Harry Potter and the Great Getaway
by JoeNobody
Summary: Inspired by Clell65619's "Second Life," Chapter 27 of his "Boneyard," Harry Potter decides that he really, really wants to get way, way, way away from it all... for at least a little while. And Hermione knows just where to take him. Update: this story took a twist that caught me totally by surprise, but I just held on for dear life while it ran where it wanted to go.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

_Author's Note: this was inspired by Clell65619's "Second Life," where Harry Potter decides to just get away from it all and runs off to Australia. I thought it would be even more fun to send him somewhere even further away..._

Chapter 1: Sometimes I've Got to Run Away, I've Got to Get Away

Harry Potter tossed down his butterbeer. This was becoming a ritual – at least once a month, he'd meet with Hermione (almost always on a Friday night), and he'd talk about how unsatisfying his life was. And she'd make polite noises and vague reassurances, then complain herself about how she had so many interesting things she was doing at the Department of Mysteries, but couldn't talk about them. After a few hours, they'd part ways and return to their respective homes.

This Friday, though, was different, Harry thought. For once, Hermione was edgy. She was trying her best to act normal, but every now and then he's see a glimpse of impatience, or excitement, or frustration, or indecision. Something was definitely going on under those bushy curls, but he figured she'd either tell him or not, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do to influence that decision.

After the fifth drink, though, he could almost hear the "click" as she made up her mind.

"Harry, it's been almost six years since we left Hogwarts, and you've done nothing but mope and whinge about things since. As your best friend, it's my responsibility to get you to get off your arse and do something to move on with your life."

"That's not fair, 'Mione. I've been keeping busy."

"Bollocks. You spent three years as an Auror, then got Shacklebolt to give you an indefinite leave of absence. You ran back to Hogwarts and taught DADA for two years, just long enough to prove the 'curse' was broken, then left when you realized you couldn't just go back to how things were. And you've spent the last nine months helping out George at the joke shop when you could be bothered. When do you plan on actually doing something with the rest of your life?"

Harry's eyes flashed. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be a living legend?"

She glared back at him. "Maybe not as well as you do, but I'm passing familiar with it."

He nodded "Fair enough. But there's a reason why all the fairy tales all end with 'they lived happily ever after.' Once the story's over, the rest is all boring. And my legend ended the day Voldemort died. What the hell else is there for me to do? My life peaked at the age of 18. I achieved my life's purpose before I even graduated school. What the hell else is there for me to do?"

"That's a load of rubbish. You could just as easily decide you've already fulfilled everyone else's expectations, and just live the rest of your life for yourself."

"Easy enough to say, but everywhere I go I'm THE Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, the Savior of Wizarding Britain, the man who survived the killing curse twice." He sighed. "Now I know why superheroes have secret identities. Superman can't be Superman all the time; he needs to be Clark Kent every now and then. But I don't get to take off a cape and put on a pair of glasses. Hell, my glasses are my cape – they're part of how everyone knows me."

"So go away where you aren't as well known. Go to America or Canada or Australia or New Zealand. Just up and move there for a while, live like everyone else where nobody knows who you are. Spend some time as Harry Smith, or Harry Jones, or whatever."

Harry glanced away. "I tried that. Didn't work. Those damned books – there's nowhere in the English-speaking wizarding world where I'm not known, and I really don't want to go back to the Muggle world."

Hermione hesitated, then finally came to her decision. "I might have an answer for you. But you can't tell anyone."

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. "This has to be good."

"We've got something down at work that we're absolutely not supposed to talk about – even more than the regular stuff – but it could be just what you need. How'd you like to take a vacation on another world?"

Harry snorted. "You mean like Mars or Venus? No thanks – I'd like to come back in one piece."

She sighed. "No, I mean another Earth. An Earth very much like ours, but different."

"And I suppose you have a way to get there? And back?"

"It's a spinoff of the Time-Turner program. So far, we've discovered 957 different Earths, each a little different from ours in some way or another. Some are really bad, but most of them are just as messed up as ours is, just in different ways."

Harry was dumbstruck. Hermione had made the "I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" joke so many times, he'd finally begged her to stop. He'd reconciled himself to never hearing what she did at her job, and now she'd just dropped this bomb in his lap. "What the hell are you saying?"

"It's something we picked up from the goblins. If you ever really looked at the wizarding world's economy, you'd realize that there's no way in the universe it could work. They tried for centuries to teach wizards basic economics, but it went nowhere. Finally they figured that if they couldn't reconcile wizards to the real world, they'd find other worlds where they could exploit the differences and keep things going well enough here to keep our wizards from complaining too loudly or triggering a centuries-long financial collapse. Gringott's currently has branches on 93 Earths, and they're negotiating on another dozen."

"And you think I could go to one of these other worlds and just live like everyone else for a while?"

"Harry, I think you might actually find another Earth where you might like it better and stay there. As your best friend, I owe you the chance to find out. And considering just who we are and what we did, it's the least Wizarding England owes you to give you the chance."

Harry leaned back in his seat. "This... this is a hell of a lot to take in at once, Hermione. Especially when we're both half-potted. I'm going to need to think about this."

She leaned back herself. "No rush. It's not like you're on a deadline or have anything really pressing to do. But just remember you have the option. And if you like, we can explore the options and kick around some of the details without you actually committing to anything." She smiled wickedly. "In fact, I know precisely which Earth I'd send you to. It's exactly what you need."

"Oh, really? Now you've got me intrigued. Tell me more."

"Oh, Harry," she said winsomely, "I'd love to tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 2: Preparations

"So, if you've got the device to get me there and aback again –" – Hermione smirked at catching the reference – "then why do we need to go to Gringott's? We're not exactly on their list of favorite humans." 

"Because I'm assuming you'd like access to things like local identification and currency while you're there, silly. They have branches on that world, too, and I'm sure they've got ways of transferring money and contacts to get you what you need to get along for as long as you're there."

"That does make a modicum of sense, I suppose. But if this whole thing is supposed to be so secret, how do we let them know what we want?"

Again Hermione was prepared. "There are certain words and phrases I will use that will tell them, in essence, 'we know about this stuff, and we're allowed to talk about it with you.' It won't guarantee that they'll help you, but without that they won't even admit that they know about the other worlds."

With that, they arrived at Gringott's. Hermione stepped up to the guard. "Hermione Granger and Harry Potter to see Inter-Branch Liaison Officer Voulge. We're expected." After a quick consultation with the book, they were ushered into a rather sparse office. A goblin sat behind a desk. Without looking up, he gestured for them to take remarkably uncomfortable seats.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Hermione cleared her throat. "I presume you are Officer Voulge?"

The goblin looked up with an irritated look – but no more than usual for a Goblin, which Harry took as a good sign. "Correct. And you two are the only two humans to successfully steal anything from a Gringott's vault in... a classified length of time. I trust this visit will not involve a recurrence?"

"Officer Voulge, I assure you that we had no intentions of harming your instiution or reputation, but were only acting out of necessity..."

The goblin gave a rare smile and waved his hand. "Relax. While you two did technically violate all kinds of laws and treaties, we also understand that you were removing a very dangerous and cursed object from our vaults – one which we were not aware of, and would have dealt with ourselves had we known. While there was considerable debate about how to respond, the final decision was to officially and publicly issue dire threats should you attempt such an action again – but to quietly and unofficially thank you and assure you there would be no recriminations." He dropped his voice. "I was one of those who voted in the majority on that."

Harry and Hermione sighed. That was one obstacle out of the way. "Please pass along our official acknowledgment of both messages, and our respect and gratitude to your board – even those who voted in the minority."

"I will, but I'm certain that was not the sole purpose of your visit."

Hermione nodded. "True. Harry here is planning a trip of indeterminate length, and wishes to make certain he will still have access to his resources from other branches of Gringott's. Is that doable?"

Voulge nodded. "There will be a slight service fee of 0.5% of all transactions we process, but it is a service we offer our depositors."

Hermione nodded, but pressed on. "And that is true for every and any branch of Gringott's?"

Voulge was growing irritated. "Yes, I just said that. Every branch."

"Even, say, Branch Number 247?"

Voulge didn't even hesitate. "Ms. Granger, I just said every branch. However, we only currently have 162 branches existing in the world, and none of them bears that number. Should we one day open a branch somewhere in the world with that number, then I assure you Mr. Potter will be able to access his accounts from there, but until that day, he will have to content himself with branches that currently exist."

"I am fully aware of how many branches you have worldwide, Voulge. And I repeat: Mr. Potter is considering a trip. A trip to a place very far from here, and of indeterminate length. And he will almost certainly need regular access to his accounts, along with other services your bank provides. It is my understanding that Gringott's Branch 247 will be the most conveniently located branch for his trip. Will they treat him as the valued customer he is?"

Voulge gave a long pause, then gave a slow nod. "Miss Granger, may I presume that you have been granted access to... certain highly classified knowledge and materials through your employment at the Department of Mysteries?"

Hermione refused to nod or wink. "You may presume that I regularly have access to highly classified knowledge and materials through my employment. You may also presume that I take my vows and obligations towards keeping such materials classified extremely seriously."

"Ah. And Mr. Potter here..."

"Mr. Potter knows precisely what he needs to know for his trip, and nothing more. I will be handling his travel arrangements myself, and he will be told what he needs to know as he needs to know it. So we may continue speaking circumspectly."

"Very well, then. Yes, Mr. Potter can expect to be properly serviced by Gringott's branches wherever he travels to, but the fee for such transactions is slightly higher. The costs for such transactions is significantly higher, and accordingly we charge 2%."

Hermione nodded. "That is acceptable. Especially as you seem to hold a monopoly on this particular service." Voulge smirked. "Now, as far as travel documents and other such necessities..."

"You have been speaking of this whole trip as a hypothetical. I prefer not to deal in hypotheticals, but I will simply say that should Mr. Potter decide to make this trip, and gives us a few weeks' notice, we can handle his needs – apart from the actual transportation, of course."

"Of course, as I have already said, I will be responsible for that aspect."

"Very good, then. Now, we do have certain conditions before we offer these services – conditions to assure our own security as well as yours. For one, you will need to confirm that you have made proper arrangements should you, for whatever reason, not return." He consulted his files again. "We have on file your designated heir as one Draco Malfoy. Further, he will have your full proxy to act in all offices you hold while you are... away. Is that how you wish it to remain?"

Even though Harry had been warned to speak as little as possible, he couldn't contain himself. "Malfoy? How the hell is he my heir?" 

Voulge blinked in astonishment. "Do you not fully understand the terms of your legacy from Sirius Black?"

"Sirius? What's he got to do with anything?"

Voulge shook his head. "Humans. How could someone never even think to investigate their own holdings and rights?" He looked back at his file. "Sirius Black was head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and he named you as his heir – and he went to great lengths to do so, as he was a wanted fugitive at the time, and making it legal and unchallengeable while not being recaptured was quite a bit of work. So, when he died, you became Lord Black. As you have no living direct relatives in the wizarding world, and have designated no heir of your own, the succession reverts to Sirius' line. He had a brother, but he is deceased, and neither had offspring, so the line goes to the children of their uncle Cygnus Black. Of his three children, Bellatrix is deceased, Andromeda has been disowned, and Narcissa is ineligible to inherit for... complicated reasons. However, her son, Draco Malfoy, is not attainted – and therefore is your closest living eligible relative in the wizarding world."

Harry rocked back in the seat, temporarily ignoring just how uncomfortable it was. "I... I had no idea. I mean, I knew he was Sirius' cousin, but I never really thought it through..."

Hermione leaned over and took his hand. "Harry, I think we might want to postpone your little trip until you get all this sorted out."

"Yeah, you're right. You know, I bet Malfoy knows all of this, and has been just quietly waiting and hoping I never made the connections..."

Hermione's eyes hardened. "He's been keeping a very low profile since the war, but I wouldn't put it past the little ferret."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I can't go running off to another..." he paused, and caught himself "...place with this hanging over my head. I think I need a crash course in how the Great Families run things."

Hermione nodded. "And this isn't the kind of thing I can find out from any books. For this, we need people who grew up in this, who live and breathe this thing every day, and have their entire lives."

Harry shook his head glumly. "Yeah, someone like Malfoy."

Hermione suddenly smiled. "Yes, but definitely not Malfoy. But we do know someone else..."

Harry grinned. "You know, I've been meaning to get in touch with Neville for some time."

Hermione grinned back. "Neville – and his gran."


	3. Chapter 3

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 3: Today I Settle All Family Business

Harry sighed and carefully folded the letter, then sealed it with a dollop of wax, then impressing it with the Black family crest (Kreacher had reluctantly turned it over when Harry demanded it). He'd written the letter himself, but had Augusta Longbottom review it. She made several "suggestions" that Harry took as commands, made changes, and after several revisions finally won her approval. He tied the letter to the owl and commanded him: "Take this letter to Draco Malfoy, and return; do not wait for a reply."

As the owl flew out the window, Harry sighed. Now there was no turning back.

HP HP HP HP HP

Draco didn't recognize the owl that flew in his window, but he felt himself blanch even paler when he recognized the seal on the envelope. His hands shook as he broke it and unfolded the letter.

_Draco Lucius Malfoy:_

_I have recently come into certain knowledge and taken certain actions that I am obligated to share with you, my heir presumptive to the House of Black. I would meet with you at 10 Grimmauld Place, London, at 2:00 p.m. one week from today. You may speak with whomever you wish about this meeting, but you may not bring any others with you save your mother, Narcissa Black Malfoy. The matters to be discussed are strictly Black family business, and not for the ears of outsiders._

_Should you choose to not accept this invitation, then I shall assume you no longer consider yourself a member of the Noble And Most Ancient House of Black, and respect your decision._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Harry James Potter_

_Lord Black of the Noble And Most Ancient House of Black_

Draco felt his heart sink to the depths of his stomach. "Mother!"

HP HP HP HP HP

At the stroke of 2 one week later, Draco Malfoy's voice resounded from Harry's fireplace. "10 Grimmauld Place!"

"Enter freely, and of your own free will," Harry shouted back, then stepped aside. Inwardly he winced as Draco gracefully swept into his den; Harry could never quite get the hang of floo travel. "Malfoy."

"Potter."

"Will your mother be joining us?"

"I showed her your letter. It was her judgment that your invitation was more of an obligation you had to offer than a command or a sincere request, and chose to decline. However, she is standing by our Floo and prepared to come along, should she have misunderstood your intent."

Harry kept his face stoic, but inwardly he gave a huge sigh of relief. Getting that message across to the formidable Narcissa Malfoy had been the hardest part of the letter, and had taken several attempts before Madame Longbottom had given him his approval. Instead, he nodded. "The matters to be discussed today only affect her tangentially, so her presence is not required, but she would be within her rights to insist on attending – as would you, should you require her presence as well. But no, I do not require her presence. Do you?"

For an instant it looked like Draco did, but he quickly hid it. Instead, he spoke to Harry's floo. "Thank you, mother. I shall give you a full accounting upon my return." The flames flickered briefly, then the connection closed. Draco turned back to face Harry.

Harry took his seat behind his desk, and gestured to one of two chairs he'd set up. "Please, take a seat. This shouldn't take too much time, but there's no reason for us to be uncomfortable."

Draco appeared to briefly consider taking the chair Harry had not indicated, but decided that such a show of defiance might be a bit premature. "So, you finally put it all together?"

Harry slowly nodded. "I didn't only grow up as a Muggle, but was kept ignorant of all things Wizardly. It was only recently that I was told the full extent of Sirius' legacy and what it meant to me. And at the same time, it was pointed out to me how you were next in line to inherit all that he had had – and all I had on my own, as well."

Draco nodded in return. "I didn't make the connections myself after Sirius died. But several months after his will was read and everyone learned he'd made you his full heir, my parents sat me down and spelled it all out. To be candid, I've been dreading this day for years."

For some reason, Harry threw all the cautions he'd heard to the winds. "And may I ask why you never brought it up with me?"

Draco looked away. "At first, it all seemed a fine twist of fate. My parents were still pledged to the Dark Lord, and fully expected you to die at his hands at any moment."

Harry gave a slight, grim smile. "And I actually did. It just didn't stick." Draco's head popped up in shock, then returned the smile nervously.

"Anyway, at the end we switched sides and betrayed the Dark Lord, and you won. I probably should have brought it up after then, but I thought you might see it as an attempt to curry favor and forgiveness. Well, that and we'd spent years hating each other." Harry gave his own wry nod at that. "So I just pushed the whole matter to the back of my mind, focusing instead on getting on with my life and working to have the world forget about what my family had done during the war." He paused. "I figured one day you'd put it all together and officially disown me as your heir, so I just acted as if it had already happened." He paused. "And now that it's finally here, I find my greatest feeling is relief that it's no longer pending."

Harry digested the words for a long moment. "Well, you're right, and yes, I have taken steps so that you are no longer my heir presumptive. However, you are still a full member of the House of Black, and are still part of my line of succession."

Draco was stunned. "I don't understand. How am I out, yet not out?"

Harry smiled reassuringly. "Once I found out you were my heir and just what you stood to inherit, I did a bit of digging into you and your life since the war. And I found myself impressed, to a certain degree. You've done a good job keeping it quiet, but you've done quite a bit of good behind the scenes. And while I'm sure we'll never be mates, I find myself not only not hating you any longer, but having a certain bit of respect for what you've done. Enough that I am willing to extend to you a certain amount of trust."

Draco was now truly lost. "Then, what is my status? What role do you expect me to play?"

Harry settled back in his seat. "One of my first official actions as Lord Black was to restore your Aunt Andromeda's standing within the family. It took some doing, and she's officially renounced any claims to the family leadership, but she only removed herself. So now my heir presumptive is her grandson – and my godson – Teddy Lupin. You are now second in line, behind him." Harry paused. "And he's by and large the reason you're here today."

Draco's stomach felt like was on a Gringott's trolley. "Beg pardon?"

Harry's face went to stone. "As I said, I only learned about all this recently. And I only learned about it because I was planning on taking a trip – a long one, one from which I may not return, or may choose to not return. It was part of planning for this extended absence that I learned the responsibilities I had been shirking. So I spent the last few months learning all about those responsibilities, and how I wanted them managed in my absence."

Draco wanted to ask about that absence, but knew Potter would only tell him what he needed to. "So, what do you have in mind for me?"

Harry leaned forward. "As I said, we'll most likely never be mates, but I've developed a certain respect for you. Teddy's obviously too young to take on any responsibilities, so I would like you to act as a sort of 'regent' for him – acting in my name, for him. The Black family businesses have been operating for over a decade with a great deal of autonomy, with no one bothering to get in touch with me and see what I thought of things. I need someone who is intimately familiar with the way the Great Houses operate to step in, see how things are being done, and make sure they're being done properly. I need someone who can firmly assert my long-dormant authority and fix the things that need to be fixed." He fixed eyes with Draco. "And if it's a member of the Black family, all the better. Put that all together, and there's only one person fit for the job – you."

Draco's head swam. Of all possible outcomes, this was one that he'd never considered. "So you're putting me in charge of the entire Family and all its holdings?"

"I am – if you'll take it."

"You hated me, you still don't like me, but you're still trusting me with all this?"

Harry gave a bark of laughter. "I never said anything about trusting you. I've already made plans in case you don't prove up to the task. I've prepared a letter that disowns you and your mother, names Hermione Granger the new Lady Black, and sets up several courses of vengeance against you and your family. There are multiple copies of the letter, each entrusted to people you don't know and can't influence, and each has been given a list of conditions under which they are to make those letters public." Harry picked up an envelope from his desk. "Would you like your own copy?"

Draco snorted. Now this was the sort of thing he understood. "Thanks, but I'll pass. Sounds like you've gotten some good advice."

Harry set the letter back down. "Oh, that's not even half of it. Recall that trip I have planned? I've changed those plans slightly. I'll still be going, but before I actually depart I will disappear from the public eye for some time. I'll want to see how you handle things before I go, and if necessary I'll publish the letter myself. Further, when – or if – I return, I'll likewise lay low for some time to evaluate how you handled matters. In brief, you won't know when I'm gone and you'll not know when I'm back, so you might as well act as if I'm standing right behind you the whole time."

Draco nodded. "You have indeed been a good student. I think I smell the hand of the Longbottoms in all this." He raised his hand. "No, don't bother to admit or deny anything. I certainly don't need to know at this juncture." Harry gave his own nod of acknowledgment. "So, I guess my future within the Family depends upon my accepting this?"

Harry shook his head. "No, not at all. If you decline, I will have to find another – but you'll remain a member of the House of Black. I still have those letters around, to give Teddy an extra measure of protection, but I meant it when I said that you were uniquely qualified to take this obligation. And I think I can trust you in this."

Draco paused for a long moment. "I want to say yes, but as I said this is utterly unlike what I was expecting. I think I need to discuss this with my parents before I give you my answer."

Harry nodded. "Just to make it clear, though, that while I accept your parents' involvement in your decision, should you take this on your father will have nothing to do with Family business. I can't keep you from seeking and accepting his counsel, but there is no way in Hell I will let him have the slightest influence within the Family."

Draco fought down his instinctive need to defend his father. "I don't agree with that, but I can accept it. My father has taken full responsibility for his actions as one of the Dark Lord's key followers, and will understand that this is part of the price he must pay for his past actions. And I will do what I can to honor your wishes and avoid seeking his counsel as much as I can."

"That's the most I can ask. I'd rather he be rotting in Azkaban, but he is still your father, and he does command your loyalty. How long do you need before you make your decision?"

Draco thought for a moment. "I think a week should be enough time for me to fully grasp just what you're asking of me, and to decide if I am willing to take it on. Is that acceptable?"

"One week it is. Next Tuesday at 2:00, here." Harry steeled himself and extended his hand. "I am trusting you to make the right choice – and to do the right thing, Draco."

Malfoy winced as he returned the handshake. "Please, let's stick to 'Potter' and 'Malfoy' for now. I don't know how many shocks my system can take at once."


	4. Chapter 4

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 4: The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Pulled...

As soon as Draco left and Harry secured the floo, Hermione rushed in. "So? How did it go?"

Harry let out a huge sigh of relief. "Actually, a lot better than I thought it would. He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no, either. He wants a week to think it over, talk it over with his parents – and then he'll take it."

Hermione smiled, then paused. "Are you sure that this is a good idea?"

Harry looked at her dumbstruck. "How the hell are you considered the brightest witch of our age? Not only is that the dumbest possible question you could ask, but this is the worst possible time to ask it – immediately after I've fully committed to this plan. Are you deliberately trying to sabotage this, or just drive me mad?"

Hermione's hands flew up to her mouth in horror. "I'm so sorry!"

Harry shook his head. "Never mind. You've always been a little like that; I thought I'd gotten used to it, but I shouldn't have let that slip."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Hermione, I love you like the sister I never had, but you've always had that sliver of insecurity and self-doubt that you let out every now and then, usually at the worst possible time. Ever since we figured it out, we've managed to work around it, but I guess I wasn't as careful as I should have been."

Hermione closed her eyes for a long moment, then opened them, her face as frozen as her voice. "And just who is this 'we' that figured this out?"

Harry blushed. "You weren't supposed to hear that part."

"Never mind, you needn't answer. Who else could it be but Ronald?"

"Um... look... uh..."

Hermione waved her hand dismissively. "Forget it. This is hardly the time or place to discuss it, and I really can't argue with the truth of it. It's something I'll have to think about and deal with it later." She held up the envelope Harry hadn't noticed before. "Our travel documents arrived from Gringott's."

Harry took the proffered envelope and tore it open. "This is so cool. I actually have a fake ID! I've always heard about them, but I figured I'd never get any. Everyone knew who I was, what I looked like, when I was born – everything. But now I'm..." he faltered as he looked at his passport. "...I'm Harry Parker?" He looked at Hermione. "I thought you said I was going someplace where I could just be 'Harry Potter,' not 'The Boy Who Lived' or 'The Chosen One.' If all I wanted was to get away from it a little, I could have gotten this same fake ID, put some makeup over my scar, and gone anywhere. Why the hell should I risk jumping into a whole new world if all I'm going to do is change my name?"

Hermione struggled to explain herself without violating her oaths. "It's... it's more than just the name, Harry. You said you just wanted to be Harry, and that's what this is all for. You can be just Harry. You just can't be Harry Potter."

Harry had returned his gaze to his passport, and another detail caught his eye. "And what the hell is this? 'Date of Birth 31 July 1993? I'm supposed to pass for 13? In case you hadn't noticed, Hermione, I haven't looked 13 in over a decade!"

"You won't be 13 when we get there. You'll still be 26. You see..." she paused to group her thoughts again. "You see, time moves a little differently where we're going. We're leaving here in 2006, but getting there in 2019. And you'd have almost as much trouble passing for 39 than you would for 13." She took out a second passport. "See? Hermione Garrett, born 19 September, 1992."

He gave her a questioning look. "Hermione Garrett?"

She sighed. "Just like you can't be Harry Potter, I can't be Hermione Granger. I can't explain it here; I've taken binding oaths. But I promise you, Harry, as soon as we get there, I'll explain it all – especially why I think this trip is just what you need."

Harry looked dubious. She pressed on. "Harry, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm asking: please, just trust me on this. There are things I simply can't explain before we go. But I promise you I'll tell you everything I think you need to know, and answer all your questions, once we're there. But until then, I'm begging you to trust me."

Harry sighed. "You know I can't tell you no when you put it that way. But you're telling me everything once we're there."

Hermione let out a breath of relief. "Thank you. Now, when do you want to go?"

"I'm meeting with Malfoy next Tuesday, when he'll tell me he's taking me up on his offer. I told him about the precautions we've taken, plus there are all the other ones I didn't tell him about. I also said that I'd be going out of sight for some time before I actually left, to watch him for a bit and see that he's keeping his word. So I'm thinking Wednesday morning."

"You mean you're not going to keep an eye on him for a few weeks first?"

"Use a little logic, Hermione. If Malfoy thinks I'm watching him and waiting to pounce at the first sign of treachery, he'll be on his best behavior. Since he has no way of knowing how long I'm watching him, won't he act like I am standing right over his shoulder? And if he thinks I'm watching him, does it really matter whether or not I am actually watching him?"

Hermione stared at him, stunned, for a long moment. "Harry James Potter, just when did you get so deviously brilliant?"

He smiled. "I've been hanging around with you and Ron for way too long for me to not pick up some things. Plus, there's a tremendous amount of overlap between being an Auror, being a teacher, and working in the Weasley's joke shop, especially when it comes to dealing with brilliant, devious people out to get you, one way or another." The smile grew into a grin. "Voldemort and his death eaters had nothing on a classful of seventh-year Slytherins when it comes to cunning and deceit, and they both come far behind George Weasley."

Hermione smiled wryly. "So, right after you manipulate Malfoy into taking on the job and con him into thinking you're spying on him, we just up and disappear?"

"That about sums it up. So we have a week to pack and get ready to go." Harry paused. "I know you can't tell me too much about where we're going, but can you give me a few hints about what it'll be like, so I'll know what sorts of clothes to pack?"

She smiled. "I'd planned on 'buying local' once we get there, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give you a little guidance. We'll be going to their version of America. More specifically, the southern part of the country, towards the beginning of summer. So expect a lot more sun and heat than we're used to."


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 5: Today I Settle All Family Business

"So, Malfoy, what's your answer?"

Malfoy smiled coldly. "What else could I say? Yes, I'll take the position. But I have to ask what your big plan is."

Harry put on his best innocent face. "What big plan?"

Malfoy smirked. "Oh, come on, Potter. You making me this offer makes absolutely zero sense. We've never been anything less than casual enemies, and you come to me with this amazing offer. Oh, you make a few threats to make it seem like you're doing this reluctantly, but there's no reason for you to simply cast me and my mother out of the Family and go on. No, you're up to something, and for it you need me for something specific, and it's something that you want badly enough that you're willing to overlook our past. So this whole offer is a test, to see if you can trust me enough to include me in your plans."

"So this is all about whether I can trust you?"

Draco barked a quick laugh. "Hardly. No, what you're testing is whether or not I can set aside our personal history to act in my own best interests. And it's a fair question – not everyone can do that. And our history's more... complicated than most. Well, I'm going to show you that I can be trusted to act in my best interests, even to the point of being your subordinate. In return, though, I am asking for a glimpse of the big picture. I want to know just what I'll be working to achieve."

Harry sat back and made a temple of his hands. "That's fair. It's way too early to tell you everything, but you do deserve a little hint or two. Yes, I do have big plans. Plans that will change the wizarding world in fundamental ways. And those plans require that I have the resources of a strong family behind me. I could rebuild the Black empire myself, use my own celebrity and hero status to draw back the elements that have grown used to being independent. But, quite frankly, you're better qualified to do that. You grew up the heir of a powerful family, as did both of your parents. What I'd have to struggle to learn and remember, you know as naturally as breathing."

He sighed. "Which means that you could also be a tremendous obstacle to me. One I could overcome, but it would take some effort that I'd rather reserve for other purposes. No, the smarter move would be to suborn you. I chose to instead give you a good enough reason to not only not oppose me, but support me."

Malfoy nodded. "Father taught me to take wisdom wherever I can. It was a Muggle who asked 'do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?'"

Harry smiled. "I was thinking of a different American president who said 'it's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in,' but the sentiment's the same."

Draco nodded. "So, in exchange for rebuilding the Black family empire, I get an honored place at your right hand? The redemption of my family is conditioned on becoming your subordinate? That's quite a price to pay."

"That's one way of looking at it. Another would be that you'd be setting up the Malfoy family as power brokers, one from whom others would seek to curry favor. You'd be moving your family away from the traditional Dark role of someone to be feared, and instead someone to be respected. And if I succeed, you'd be well placed to influence the future."

"But make no mistake - you play an important part in my plans, but not an irreplaceable one. There are others who I could ask to do what you've agreed to do, who would be less of a risk. And if I were to remove you and your mother from the Black family, the only question many would ask would be 'what took him so long?' By using you in this way, I serve several goals. I show a bit of respect for the traditional ways, I offer my enemies a chance to stop being my enemies in a way that avoids a major fight. All I need to do is persuade you that you and your family would be better served by joining me than by fighting me."

"I believe we understand each other, Potter. And I find your terms acceptable – for now. I will accept your charge to rebuild the Black family empire, with the full knowledge that when I am done I will turn it back over to you. In return, I expect to have a favored role for my family in your plans."

Harry nodded. "That's fair enough." He offered his hand, and Malfoy shook it.

_Author's note: while it's tremendously flattering to already have collected 11 "favorites" and 25 "followers" after just four chapters, it's a little inconvenient to have collected zero reviews. I have to be honest - this story started off with two themes - Harry's getaway, and Harry dealing with realizing that he was kinda sorta related and connected with Draco. I'm juggling with both, but I kinda wish people would say what's working for them - and what's not. I just finished writing Chapter 7, but I'm really stuck about where to take it from there. Anyone wanna throw me a bone or two here? _


	6. Chapter 6

Harry Potter and the Great Getaway

_Reviews galore! "Ask, and ye shall receive," indeed! Chapter 8 is almost finished. _

Chapter 6: You Are Cleared For Departure

Hermione was waiting outside Harry's study, and flew in as soon as she heard the floo close. "So, he went for it?"

Harry paused just long enough to make her antsy. "Of course he did. Bought the whole thing – hook, line, and sinker. He really thinks I'm pulling together some grand conspiracy, and is willing to sell his soul to be a part of it – again."

Hermione shook her head, grinning. "Some people never change, do they? He's spent his whole life with these giant conspiracies all around him; he simply can't imagine that there isn't one."

"Yeah, you called that perfectly. He's always the one looking for the scheme within the scheme, the secret plot, the grand cabal that's pulling the strings. He'd never believe there wasn't one, so just make one up for him."

Hermione's smile turned into a thoughtful frown. "Although..."

Harry knew that smile. Harry didn't like that smile. Harry didn't trust that smile. "I don't know what you're thinking, but I already don't like it."

"No, hear me out. This scheme to remake the wizarding world – the reason why Malfoy bought into it so easily is because it makes such perfect sense. It's exactly the kind of thing you'd want to do, exactly the way that he'd expect it. And since I had to come up with it to fool Malfoy, it is actually quite possible. So, when we're done with this little jaunt, why not go ahead and give it a try?"

"I haven't even decided if I'm coming back. And you think that spending years working with Malfoy will give me added incentive to come back?"

"Harry, just think about all the things you hate about Wizarding Britain. You could change so much of it. You could make it better for Muggles and Muggle-borns. You could end the tyranny of the Noble and Most Ancient Houses. You know what Neville thinks of all that rubbish, and you'll have Malfoy in your back pocket. Couple that with Arthur and Percy at the Ministry..." she saw the look on Harry's face. "OK, with Percy at the Ministry, and our own status as heroes, and we could bring real reform to the Wizarding World. At least this one."

"Huh?"

Hermione quickly moved on. "Well, we don't know how things are done in other countries, but we could set an example for the rest of the world." That didn't sound quite right to Harry, but he let it pass. "Anyway, you are comfortable that Malfoy bought into the whole thing?"

"Comfortable enough that I'm ready to go tomorrow morning right after breakfast."

Hermione shook her head. "Make it 1:00, right after lunch."

"Why not first thing in the morning?"

"It's... complicated. Remember what I said about how time moves a little differently between here and where we're going?"

"OK..."

"It'd take me several hours of highly complicated arithmancy and even more challenging concepts, so just take my word for it: we will arrive there at the very same time of day that we depart. And since where we're going is five hours behind us, we leave here at 1:00 and get there at 8:00 in the morning – plenty of time to dive in and get the full experience."

Harry sighed. "I've been trusting you so far; I guess it's too late to start second-guessing you now. So, lunch tomorrow, then we go?"

HP HP HP HP HP

Lunch successfully ingested, Harry and Hermione picked up their Muggle-style suitcases. Both were dressed in light Muggle clothes, including American baseball-style caps. Oddly enough, they both bore the Hogwarts seal. Harry figured it was Hermione's idea of a little joke – it would be utterly meaningless where they were going. She had an odd sense of humor sometimes.

Hermione handed Harry what looked suspiciously like a Muggle wristwatch. "We've adapted Portkey technology for these trips. You just have to tap the face in a specific pattern with your finger to activate them – 2, 1, 2 taps." She tapped his bare wrist to demonstrate. "It has to be your own finger, and it has to be the same finger. It's also an unusual enough pattern that it's almost impossible to do it accidentally, but simple enough to remember and do quickly in case of emergency – which almost certainly won't happen here."

"I sense your hand in that little touch."

Hermione smiled. "Wizards always want to complicate everything. You wouldn't believe some of the suggestions I had to defeat. One of them wanted to use the beat to his favorite childhood lullaby... from his native Hungary. Another guy insisted that we use an Irish drinking song. And one Muggle-born argued for the first ten digits of the Fibonacci sequence. It took weeks to get everyone to sign off on 2-1-2."

"Whatever they're paying you there, it's not enough if that's the sort of codswallop you have to put up with."

"You don't know the half of it. Anyway, we'll use mine to get us there. You just hold my wrist while I do the tapping, and we'll be transported together. Coming back will be the same – we'll reappear right here back at Grimmauld Place, with the same time having passed as we've been away. And if we return independently, that's just fine, too. That's why we each have our own Hopper." She took a deep breath. "So... are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?"

Harry stepped back. "Hell, no! The whole point of this was to get away from the 'adventure' that's been my lifetime so far!"

Hermione smiled reassuringly. "Sorry, just a little joke. You'll get it once we get there." She held out her wrist. Harry gingerly took it, and she tapped the face of her watch.

Harry felt the familiar yank just behind his navel, but this one seemed to last forever. Eventually, he stopped spinning and felt himself uncomfortably pressed up against Hermione in a very small room. They both staggered a bit, leaning against the walls to regain their balance.

After a moment, they heard a soft thumping on the door, and a distinctively American voice on the other side. "Come on, you two. Come out. You wanna do that, get a room or something."

Harry was flustered, but Hermione whispered reassuringly. "Follow my lead." She picked up her suitcase, opened the door, and greeted the man on the other side. He appeared to be dressed in an outfit vaguely resembling an American police officer, but with no gun and "SECURITY" on a patch on his shirt. "Sorry, we got turned around a bit. We just got here from England."

The guard shook his head. "Yeah, I've heard it all before. Just don't let it happen again." And he strolled off.

Harry stepped out into the brilliant sunlight and instantly started sweating. Between the sun and the humidity, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so hot. Hermione reached over and put a pair of sunglasses over his regular glasses, then put on a pair of her own.

Harry blinked and got used to the dimmed sunlight. He'd never seen so many people together all at once. And while he'd prepared himself for something totally different, there were so many things that were hauntingly familiar. Including one towering structure in the distance. He finally pulled his eyes away, and saw a sign with a map. A map with some very familiar names.

He ran over and ran his fingers across the letters. "Hogsmeade, Diagon Alley, Knight's Bus stop, Nocturne Alley, King's Crossing..." he turned back to the castle. "And that's Hogwarts. Not really, but it really does look like Hogwarts." He shook his head. "Hermione, where the hell are we?"

Hermione beamed at him. "Harry Parker, welcome to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter."


	7. Chapter 7

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 7: The Blacks Shall Rise Again

Draco Malfoy looked at the financial ledgers before him and smiled. Potter had been true to his word; Draco had full access to all the Black family resources. No doors were closed to him, no books were forbidden him, no vaults were closed to him.

Of course, Draco was certain that Potter's other words were also good. Everyone who was bowing and scraping to him was certainly reporting every single detail back to Potter, as well as those Potter was trusting to scrutinize every move Draco made. At the first sign of treachery, they'd no doubt swoop in and strip him of all his access, all his power, all his status.

Which, of course, would never happen. Draco had absolutely no intention of betraying Potter's trust. This – the managing of the affairs of a great House – was literally what he was born to do. His parents had spent years and years teaching him how to run a House. Admittedly, their intention was for him to run House Malfoy for the benefit of himself and his heirs, not those of House Black for someone he'd despised for his entire school career, but the actual differences were negligible.

Plus, Draco had his Slytherin cunning and guile to live up to. To build up House Black to usurp it away from Potter and seize it for himself would be a scheme worthy of a Crabbe, a Goyle, or a Lestrange. There was nothing subtle or clever about such a brute exercise of force, and it would be too easily detected and stopped.

No, the far more Slytherin plan would be to follow Potter's directives to the letter – rebuild House Black to the power and prestige it had once held, if not even more. To remake it into a true great power, one that could reshape Wizarding Britain as it willed. Not to command others, but to make others eager to anticipate and meet their desires of their own volition.

And in the process to subtly shape the power structure within House Black to make one person indispensable to the whole operation. To have one person who would hold the key details, who would know the essential facts, who knew where all the strings were, who knew where all the bodies were buried.

And that one person wouldn't be Harry Potter, it wouldn't be Hermione Granger, it wouldn't be young Teddy Lupin, it wouldn't be Neville Longbottom, and it certainly wouldn't be anyone named Weaseley.

No, the one person who would hold it all together would be Draco Lucius Malfoy, son of the former Narcissa Black.

He reached for the books. His parents had taught him how to hide the connections to the key people who owed fealty to a Great House. There were many ways. And his father had taught him one of the most wise and profound rules that he was ashamed he'd first heard from Muggles: "Follow the money."

First, he'd review the political contributions. Yes, the big ones were important, but just as important (if not more) were the smaller, regular contributions. Those were the ones who'd grown to depend on the largesse of the Blacks, who counted on those smaller donations, and understood that one day they might be called upon to repay those gifts.

Next up were the tradesman's contracts. Like politicians, they grew dependent upon those regular payments, and also understood that there were strings attached.

Then there were those to whom the Blacks were indebted. Those were the people even more invested in the success of the Blacks, because only a successful House could be relied upon to pay back the loans, and then ask for more loans. Another bit of financial wisdom Lucius had reluctantly picked up from the Muggles: "if I owe the bank one million Galleons, I am ruined. If I owe the bank one hundred million Galleons, then they are ruined." As much as Lucius despised Muggles, he recognized that they knew far more about finance as wizards – and, quite possibly, as much as the Goblins.

Bit by bit, Draco built a map of the Black family's empire. He left plenty of blanks on his map, recognizing that there was no way he could get the full picture just from the official records. The list he'd assemble would be a good starting point.

He started working on how to contact each of those he identified. He initially divided them into three groups, with a different approach for each. Then he added a fourth group, and then a fifth and sixth, before deciding that he'd have to treat each and every one of them on an indivicual, one-on-one basis. And once he was comfortable that they were firmly back in the Black Family camp, then he'd ask them about those blanks in his charts, who else he should contact and attempt to draw back into the fold.

Yes, this was literally what he was born to do. And he'd show Potter and the rest that Draco Malfoy was, indeed, a man not to be taken lightly. Potter would gain his empire, but he'd find that the keys to his kingdom were firmly held by the man he'd spent years hating and fearing.

Add in his own power base as heir – or even head – of House Malfoy, and Draco would be become the real power behind the throne. If Potter was really intending to throw House Black's weight behind the Light Side, and Draco were to keep his alliance, then perhaps he could pull House Malfoy out of the Dark and into the Gray camp.

His father had been right. While father and son were officially distanced (but not estranged), the elder Malfoy had, for all intents and purposes, retired and withdrawn from the public eye. Draco had gradually taken on more and more of the duties of Head of House, and made his very few public appearances aimed at distancing himself from their former Dark allies. He'd made a couple of appearances at a few Light family social functions, but carefully kept quiet and made no fuss. Potter's offer had come at just the right time, and couldn't have fit better into Draco's long-term plans than if he'd written it himself.

The way forward was laughingly obvious. Once it was common knowledge that Draco was acting as Potter's proxy for House Black, he'd have to keep all his moves above suspicion, purer than Caesar's wife. He'd be under the tightest scrutiny since right after the War. He'd have to keep that up until Potter resurfaced. Once he'd been seen willingly turning it all back to Potter, and received Potter's blessing, he'd have established his Light credentials. Then he could afford to resume some casual contacts with a few, selected Dark families, to reassure them that while the Malfoys had moved away from the Dark, they had no interest in betraying any old confidences, renouncing old friendships, or committing to the Light.

One day, House Malfoy could be considered the bridge between the Light and the Dark. Between their historic ties to the Dark and their newfound status as allies of the newly light House of Black (and the heroic Harry Potter), they'd have a measure of trust from both sides. Perhaps he could even work through Potter and develop a tolerance with Longbottom.

Draco snorted. That would take some work, and have to be handled most delicately. Longbottom would be instantly (and rightfully) suspicious of any contacts. Malfoy, theoretically, might owe him some apologies for their school days, but Draco wasn't inclined to offer and Longbottom certainly wouldn't graciously accept. Perhaps, if Draco found some old connections between the Blacks and the Longbottoms, he could use that to justify...

Draco quickly squelched that line of thought. The most recent interactions between a Black and a Longbottom had been when his dearly departed, barking mad Aunt Bellatrix had tortured Neville's parents into insanity. Let Potter himself reconcile the two Houses; Draco was possibly the worst possible person to pull off that miracle.

Longbottom was currently spending most of his time in his greenhouses, with the occasional visits to lecture or work on other projects at Hogwarts. Perhaps Draco could come up with some Herbology-related pretense to consult with Longbottom, approaching him not as a rival or an old schoolmate, but seeking his counsel and acknowledging his superiority in the subject matter...

But that would be for later, after Potter had been handed back the reins of power. Hell, maybe Potter himself could be manipulated into reconciling the two long-time foes. In the meantime, Draco had to focus on the here and now, and that meant re-establishing the foundations of House Black's empire. He picked up his quill and addressed a letter to a minor member of the Wizengamot.

"I am writing to you on behalf of Harry James Potter, Lord Black, and we have recently been reminded that you formerly were considered a friend of the House. Lord Potter is seeking to return House Black after the unfortunate circumstances that led to the near-end of the House, and would like to offer you his hand in friendship and ask your assistance in renewing the traditional ties between House Black and its friends..."


	8. Chapter 8

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 8: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction

Harry's jaw dropped, and Hermione, who had been expecting this (and, to be honest, looking forward to this), gently took his hand and led him to a nearby bench. She sat him down before he fainted. "This is why you couldn't be 'Harry Potter' here. You see, here millions and millions of people know who you are and almost every detail of your life – and they know that you don't exist. 'Harry Potter' is the main character in a series of books. And not just any books, but the most popular fiction books in this world. You're far more famous and well-known here than you ever could be in the real world, but no one thinks you're real. By our research, your books have sold over half a billion copies, they've been translated into 80 languages, and they've even made a series of movies about you."

Harry finally found his words. "But how... how..."

Hermione smiled reassuringly. "We've tried to figure it out. The leading theory is that someone – maybe a goblin, maybe some rogue wizard – came here and saw a way to get fabulously wealthy. But we haven't figured out who they might be yet. The official author is a British woman, and there's not even the slightest hint that she's anything besides an ordinary Muggle woman – and believe me, we've looked. We've looked at her hard, but there's not the slightest hint that she didn't just imagine it all up on her own, with no help."

"But... I mean..."

"My theory is that, at some point, a wizard came here and couldn't go home, so they married a native and had children. And eventually, one of that wizard's descendants became Joanne Rowling, and had some kind of connection to the real world and somehow tapped into it without realizing they weren't just making it all up."

"But that makes no sense, Hermione. It just..."

"Of course it doesn't. But as another of their writers here once said, 'truth is not only stranger than fiction, but sometimes even stranger than we can imagine.' I've got a couple of other theories that I haven't shared with anyone because I didn't want to get locked up in St. Mungo's. One is that this world is the result of that room full of an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters. Another is that God not only exists, but She's got a wicked sense of humor."

Harry finally found himself able to speak coherently, and starting to pick up on all the implications of what Hermione was telling him – and impossibly backed up by the proof of his own eyes. "So almost everyone here knows every detail of my life? Just how much detail?"

"Only the broadest strokes, not much more than the real wizarding world knows about you. The books were written for children and young adults, so it's basically a child's view of the real world. For example, they think the Dursleys were totally beastly to you, that Hagrid's the child of a human father and a giant mother, and Arthur Weasley actually magicked a Muggle car to fly. But for the most part, it's a fairly accurate adaptation of history – just from a child's view."

"Sounds like I should talk with a solicitor about getting some credit for all this..."

Hermione laughed. "Oh, you'd have a wonderful lawsuit and could end up with billions, but remember, you don't exist. You're not real here. They'd think you a loon and lock you up."

"I could always..." he looked around cautiously, then wiggled his fingers mysteriously.

"As if it'd be that easy. Magic doesn't work here. As far as we can tell, there are no wizards here. Nor anything the slightest bit magical – no giants, no centaurs, no goblins, no house-elves, no unicorns, nothing but a worldful of Muggles. There might be real wizards, but we've yet to find any trace of them." She paused. "But there is apparently an animal called a 'playpus' that might be the result of some drunken wizard playing around..."

"But if magic doesn't work here, how do we get home?"

"our Hoppers are the only things so far we've found that will work – and thank goodness, or it'd be a permanent one-way trip. We're lucky that we were following the Goblins' lead in finding new worlds." She stopped. "Um... forget I said that. Especially when we go home. That's one of the biggest secrets I'm not supposed to tell anyone ever, and if the Goblins ever found out..."

"Got it. Never heard a thing." Harry looked around and felt himself actually starting to relax a little. He had no idea how tense he'd become the instant he spotted the giant fake castle. "So... now that we're here, and you've had your fun watching my brain melt, whatever shall we do next?"

"You tell me. This is your world, after all. That sign doesn't say 'The Wizarding World of Hermione Granger.'"

Harry stood up. "I know it's still morning, but I feel the need for a drink. Is there anywhere around here we can get something to drink? Maybe not alcoholic, but at least cold?"

"Oh, this place is designed to suck every single bit of money out of you as it can. There's almost nowhere you can go that you can't buy something. Just around the corner is a place you can get something they pretend is butterbeer..."


	9. Chapter 9

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 9: The Surreal World

Hermione flopped on her bed in the hotel room. "So, Harry, how did you like your first day in your world?"

Harry flumphed down on his own. "For all the things I've have happen in my life, this is the most bizarre day I can remember. And considering how many times people have tried to kill me, that's an amazing accomplishment."

Hermione giggled. "So, what was your favorite part of the day?"

Harry thought long and hard about the day he'd had. "I couldn't begin to single out any one thing. The things they think wizards eat and drink, the children running around waving plastic electronic wands, everyone wearing everything with either my name or the names of Hogwarts Houses on them, Muggle attempts to imitate how wizards do things – it's all too bizarre. If you weren't along to reassure me, I'd conclude I had gone mad."

"But there must have been one thing that stuck out for you..."

Harry sighed. "Fine. It would have to be watching Muggles try to play Quidditch without any magic whatsoever. It's just not the same without the quaffle and the bludgers and the snitch flying around on their own. But to see them try it on the ground while clutching ordinary brooms between their knees... I wish Ron could see it. I don't know if he'd have a stroke from outrage or die laughing."

Hermione nodded. "And what they think potions are like... I know they can't be dangerous, but I still wouldn't dare drink a single one of them."

Harry stared at the ceiling. "It's just so strange, to see all these people who all have this warped perception of who I am and what my life was like... to get so much right, yet get some of the most important details wrong."

Hermione rolled on her side to face him. "But do they really have it wrong? What they know is what was given to them in some books and movies, and they have no way of knowing what's right or wrong. And considering that it's their world, not yours, I think it can be argued that they've got it right, and you've got it wrong. They know a story, and they all know that it's just a story. It's not their fault that it's really a slightly unreliable version of your story, and you actually exist."

"Now don't get all metaphysical on me, Hermione." Harry let out a deep breath. "But... you were right. This is what I needed. It's got enough of the real world to make me feel comfortable, but without all the pressure and expectations of having to be The Harry Potter all the time. Here I'm just Harry Parker, a total nobody."

Hermione nodded. "So, think you might want to stick around for at least a little while?"

Harry nodded back. "Yeah, for at least a little while. I might even want to travel somewhere away from here."

Hermione smiled. "That's good, because tomorrow morning you've got a job interview."

Harry blinked. "Huh? Where? Doing what?"

Her smile turned into a grin. "At the park, as a cast member. Think you can pretend to be a wizard?"

HP HP HP HP HP

"Mr. Parker? Mr. Epstein will see you now." The receptionist smiled at Harry and gestured at the door.

"Thank you, ma'am," Harry nodded his appreciation and entered.

The man behind the desk was short, chubby, and balding. And even though there wasn't one, Harry could imagine a cigar clenched between his teeth. He looked at the application Hermione had apparently filled out for him. "So, Harry... Parker. Yeah, right. So, what are your qualifications to work here?"

Harry had been briefed by Hermione. "Well, I'm very familiar with the source material, and I am from England..."

"Yeah, you got the accent down pat. And let's find out how well you know the material. How do you free a house-elf?"

"The owner has to give him or her an item of clothing."

"What are the colors and what is the animal of House Hufflepuff?"

"Yellow and black, and the badger."

"Luna Lovegood's parents?"

"Um... Xenophilius and Pandora." 

"Voldemort's first horcrux?"

"A diary."

"OK, you got the material down, and the accent. That's good. But that's just the bare minimum. And there's something that bothers me about you, kid. Lean forward."

"Beg pardon?"

"You deaf or something? Lean forward, let me see your face." Harry, baffled, did as he was told. Epstein reached over and brushed Harry's hair off his forehead. "Yeah, I thought so. You got the scar. Looks like you tried to cover it up, and you did a pretty good job, but I've seen a lot of them." Epstein sighed. "Sorry, kid, we can't use you."

"I'm sorry? What's my scar got to do with anything?"

"Kid, you think you're the first one to come in here and try to convince me that he's born to play Harry Potter? I see one of you at least every other week. At least you tried to hide the scar a bit, and you only chose a fake name that sounds like 'Harry Potter.' But kid, the last thing we need around here is a real Harry Potter."

"But the whole park is named after... him. Wouldn't he be the star attraction?"

Epstein leaned back in his chair. "Kid, lemme tip you off to two big secrets of this place. For one, everyone who comes here already has a solid image of what Harry Potter looks like, and those movies just reinforced it in all their heads. To them, Harry Potter is a schoolkid. He shows up at age 11, and ends at age 18. Nobody is interested in a 20-something Harry Potter."

He shook his head. "But even if you weren't too old, there's one more reason why we don't have a Harry Potter here. Every kid who comes here doesn't want to see Harry Potter, they want to be Harry Potter. Being Harry Potter – the most important boy in all the world, the hero who saves the world from the evil monster, the Boy Who Lived – is exactly what each and every single kid who comes here wants to be. White kids, black kids, Asian kids, Latino kids – all of them. And even the girls want to be Harry Potter. So the very last thing we want to give them is a 'real' Harry Potter, because that means that they can't be him."

Harry was stunned. "OK, then. Are there any other parts I could play?"

Epstein paused. "Usually this is when you argue like hell about how you are the best Harry Potter I'll ever see, and how I'd be nuts to turn you away. You sure you don't want to argue with me?"

Harry shook his head. "No, it sounds like you have your answer, and you have some pretty good reasons to not change your mind. But I still think I'd like to work here. What other parts do you have?"

Epstein studied Harry carefully. "There aren't many characters in their 20s. All our Aurors are security officers, and I don't see you having any experience there." Harry made a note to talk to Hermione about omitting his experience as a real Auror. "So that leaves only a few possibilities." His eyes fell to the top of Harry's head. "You willing to dye your hair or wear a wig?"

Harry frowned "I'd never thought about it, but I suppose if it'll help me get a job..."

Epstein nodded. "I'm thinking if we gave you red hair, you could be a Weasley. You're too skinny for Charlie and too short for Fred or George, but we could probably pass you off as Bill or Percy. Or even some Weasley cousin. Yeah, with the hair we could stick you in the joke shop and say you're helping out the family. Plus, the red hair might distract from how you look kinda like Harry."

"So, you're offering me a job?"

"Hell no, kid. This is just the first cut. You still got a couple more interviews before we make that decision. Tell the secretary to set you up with the followup interview in the next day or two."

Harry stood up and offered his hand, but Epstein had already waved him off and grabbed for his phone. Shaking his head, Harry left the office and got his appointment for the next afternoon.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 10: Money Makes the Worlds Go Round

Harry and Hermione strolled into the local branch of "Gringott's." Harry had to admit that the costume and makeup of the "goblin" behind the counter would be pretty convincing to anyone who hadn't actually had dealings with real Goblins. "We have four ATMs in the lobby you just walked through that should be able to handle whatever business you have today."

Harry noted that the legendary hospitality of the theme park business had been apparently set aside for a touch of realism here – the "goblin" was almost as rude and abrupt as the real thing. "Yes, we noticed them, but we need to speak with your Branch Liaison Officer."

The mask slipped a little. "The only other branch we have is in Hollywood, at their Harry Potter park, and neither of us actually does regular banking stuff. This is all just for show. Even the ATMs are from Bank of America."

Hermione stepped forward. "I believe if you were to call extension 247 and inform the party at the other end that some customers have requested to meet with him, we will be given a meeting."

The "goblin" blinked, as if the number triggered some odd bit of his training. "Extension 247 is the number for Special Accounts. Let me give them a call." He then spoke into the phone. "Yes, this is Bowie at the front desk. I have some customers who are asking to speak with our 'Branch Liaison Officer' and gave this extension specifically." He paused. "Right, I'll tell them." He hung up, looking a little wild-eyed. "Someone will be down for you shortly."

"Thank you." Hermione stepped back and waited expectantly, then gestured for Harry to join her.

After a moment, another "goblin" appeared. He glanced at Harry and Hermione, then tossed a questioning glance at the clerk, who nodded in return. He turned back to Harry and Hermione. "Right, come with me." He then spun around and walked quickly to the elevator, obviously expecting them to follow him.

Harry and Hermione hurried to catch up. As the elevator doors closed behind them, Harry spoke up. "Where are we going?"

The "goblin" glared at him. "To Office 247. Save your questions until we get there."

The brief ride continued in silence, then the doors opened. Directly opposite the elevator was a door marked "Special Accounts/Branch Liaison." The "goblin" gestured them through the door, then closed it behind them.

Harry and Hermione found themselves facing another "goblin" seated behind a desk. This one's makeup was far better, but Harry could still see where it was a fake.

He looked more closely. No, this was a real Goblin, but a Goblin who was wearing a little makeup and tiny prosthetics to make him look like a human in a Goblin costume. Again, more than enough to fool anyone who had never met a real Goblin, but certainly convincing enough to the Muggles who apparently made up this entire world.

"I'm Special Accounts and Branch Liaison Officer Kukri. What is your business with Gringott's, Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger?"

Harry was caught off guard. "Actually, the name's Parker, and she's..."

The Goblin waved dismissively. "Your fake identification is more than good enough, but I know where you got it – and where you are really from. So why don't we skip over the obvious fiction? This is the real Gringott's, Branch Number 247, I am a genuine Goblin, sent here from the Home Office to run the bank's business here, and you two are Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, from the same world as the Home Office, with the official stated purpose of..." he glanced at the papers on his desk, then looked up with a sneer. "it says you're here for 'tourism' purposes." He waved dismissively. "Whatever. We don't really care what your real intent is here. What is your business with Gringott's today?"

Hermione took the lead. "We initially planned to stay here for a few days, but Harry is thinking about an extended stay – perhaps indefinitely. We wanted to know how he could access his funds while here."

Kukri sighed. "You two are the first 'tourists' we've had to deal with at this branch, but I am gravely disappointed that the Home Office for not having worked this out. This all should have been spelled out to you before you left." He gestured at the not-overly-comfortable chairs. "When we set you up with your fake IDs, we also provided each of you with debit cards. Those debit cards, issued by Bank of America, the largest bank in this nation, and are backed by accounts set up with funds taken from your home Gringott's accounts. Further, they are also covered by an overdraft protection plan that will automatically draw more funds from your Gringott's accounts should you exhaust the amounts on hand in those accounts. He handed them each a slip of paper. "These are the initial amounts of the deposits, and the current balances on both cards. Should you prefer credit cards, or other financial services, you can negotiate directly with Bank of America, as our own activities in this world are still very limited, especially at the consumer level." He smiled viciously. "The average person on this world is considerably more financially aware than the average wizard or witch, so in response the financial world has developed their own methods of maximizing profits from their depositors. We've considered adapting some of their techniques back home, but wizards and witches are simply too ignorant financially to make it worth our while."

Harry and Hermione nodded. Hermione had spent her share of time dealing with bankers both in wizarding and Muggle Britain, and knew Kukri was right. "So, it appears that you've answered all our questions before we could even ask them. We apologize for wasting your time."

Kukri gave a disturbingly non-malicious grin. "Think nothing of it. As the token Goblin here from the Home Office, I have frighteningly little to do on a day-to-day basis. Spending a few minutes with some people from home – even if they're only humans – is still a nice change of pace."

HP HP HP HP HP

As they left, Hermione reluctantly brought up the unspoken subject. "So... you're thinking of staying?"

Harry paused thoughtfully. "I'm not ruling it out. I just want to have all the facts on hand before I make any choices. From what I can understand about finances in this world, I probably have enough to live the rest of my life without working, if I'm moderately careful and responsible. I'd still want to work, of course, if for no other reason than to get to know people here and blend in a little better, but it's nice to know that staying here is an option."

Hermione sighed. "I have to confess I brought you here partly as a little prank, and partly to give you a little perspective on how others might see you and your life so far. The idea of introducing you to a whole world where no-one could possibly see you as 'the Harry Potter' and couldn't possibly put any pressure or expectations or misconceptions on you struck me as just the sort of thing you might like, or even need. I also thought that there might be a chance you'd like it so much you'd stay, and wanted to give you that opportunity."

Harry smiled. "That's exactly why you're my best friend. You know just how badly I'd miss you and a whole bunch of others, right?"

Hermione wistfully smiled back. "And we'd miss you terribly, too. But if this is what you need to be happy and get away from all the rubbish that the Wizarding World puts on you, every day, what kind of friend would I be to deny you it?"

Harry pulled her into a quick hug. "Like I said, I'm just getting all the information I can right now. I'm not making any decisions right away. Besides, we've got the hotel room through the end of the week, so we might as well stay that long. Maybe we can even watch those movies about me you told me about."

Hermione laughed. "Oh, those things! They got things even worse than the books. The girl they have playing me is a good actress, but in the first movie they made my hair a total nightmare. Then, in the later movies, they made it only a little wavy, almost straight. I felt a bit like Goldilocks, but they never got to the 'just right' stage. And the actor they got to play Snape... he was actually very handsome and commanding and charismatic."

Harry choked. "Snape, handsome and charismatic? You've got to be kidding!"

Hermione shrugged. "You've got to remember that almost all actors have to be good-looking to get anywhere in the business. Finding someone who actually looked like Snape who could also act would have been a real challenge." She paused and giggled. "But when they needed someone to play Gilderoy Lockhart, they found someone who could be an even bigger prat and fop than the real thing."

Harry scoffed. "A bigger prat and fop than Lockhart? That's not possible."

"I didn't think so, either, but then I watched it myself. It's absolutely uncanny."


	11. Chapter 11

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 11: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Harry sighed as the credits started to roll. They'd actually done it. These crazy Muggles who didn't even have real wizards in their world had not only made a movie about his life, but eight of them. Eight actual movies. And for all the crazy things they got wrong, that alternately made Harry laugh, sigh, or howl, they'd gotten so many things right that he didn't know how he should feel.

Hermione turned off the DVD player. "So... what are you thinking?"

Harry shook his head. "This is... this is just too much. I think I'm ready to go home."

"You're sure? I don't know if I can swing a second trip if you change your mind."

Harry paused. "Yeah, I'm sure. This has been an amazing two weeks, and I'll always be grateful you brought me here, but... it's too strange, living in a world where everyone thinks I'm a fictional character. I'd have to spend all my time remembering a different name, a different identity, and if I ever slipped, they'd lock me up in a nuthouse."

Hermione smiled reassuringly. "No nuthouse. There are plenty of people here who already think they're you, or me, or someone else we know. And they're treated like harmless nuts. You'd really have to work at it for anyone to take you that seriously."

Harry shook his head. "Regardless, I think I'm ready to go home. There's a real world back there, with real responsibilities for me. And while it's been nice to get away from it all for a little while, I have to go back." He paused and looked around the room. "But I wish I could bring back just a few souvenirs with us..."

|Hermione tapped her foot. "I told you up front – no souvenirs. Who would you show them to? They'd immediately think that someone had broken the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and there'd be no end of investigations into how Muggles made things like hats with the Hogwarts logo or fake wands or plastic vibrating Quidditch brooms."

Harry laughed. "That one alone I'd love to give to the Weasleys. Imagine the fights Arthur, Ron, and Ginny would have over it?"

Hermione tried to keep a straight face, then giggled. "My money's on Molly winning that one."

"Huh? Why would Molly... ew! Ew! I'll NEVER get that thought out of my head now!"

"Arthur and Molly didn't find seven children in the cabbage patch, Harry."

"I beg of you, shut up now." Hermione just grinned. After a moment, though, she got serious again. "So, you sure you're ready to go home?"

Harry slowly nodded. What's the saying again? 'Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.' I can't stay here."

Hermione gave him a slow nod in return. "OK, then we'll go back tomorrow." She paused to make some quick calculations. "I think we'll have been gone for about ten days, and if we leave at noon tomorrow, we'll get back by breakfast."

HP HP HP HP HP

Harry spent a week relaxing at home before he finally sent Malfoy another owl. For one week, he did absolutely nothing of substance. One day he rearranged several rooms in Grimmauld Place. Two days later, he put them back. He spent one full day lounging in London bookstores, each store arranging for about 100 Euros of books to be delivered to a random school. One night he spent sampling each and every single craft beer offered by a Muggle pub. (That's why there was a day between the rearranging and restoring.) This time, however, he offered to meet Malfoy at a place of his choosing. Malfoy chose a quiet office he'd opened specifically for Black family business.

"Malfoy."

"Potter. You look... tanner."

"I got quite a bit of sun while away. Quite a refreshing change from around here. So, how have things gone for the family business?"

Malfoy slid papers across the desk, then leaned back, hands templed. "Rather better than I hoped. Many of the family's old friends are remarkably intrigued in your sudden interest in Great Family politics. About a quarter are hoping you'll restore the family to its old ways, another quarter hope you'll swing it around completely, a third quarter are too terrified to do anything without your blessing, and the final quarter are denying they ever had anything to do with the Blacks." He smiled. "Which is almost exactly what I expected going in."

Harry nodded. "So, you've restored about three-quarters of the Family's influence?"

"Closer to half. Those still uncertain about how you want to go won't put their necks out for you just yet. You might have to make a few dramatic moves to get them off the fence. Make a few more examples to inspire them."

"You said 'more' examples?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

Malfoy nodded "You should be aware of a minor Ministry functionary named Higgins. He'd done some small services for the Family in the past, for which he had been given small considerations. When I reached out to him, he was extremely curt and informed me that he had no further interest in any such matters; he just wanted to do his job and eventually collect his pension." Malfoy smiled. "Within a week, one of Higgins' superiors, a fellow named Jeffers, suddenly started having all sorts of difficulties with Higgins' performance. Nothing seemed satisfactory, and he was actually worried about losing his job. At about that time, I spoke with him again, and was further rebuffed."

"I'm not sure I approve of all this, Malfoy."

Malfoy waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, the tale's not done. Another fellow in Higgins' bureau saw what was going on, and saw a chance to snatch up a moderately talented drone. This fellow, Richardson, put in a request to have Higgins transferred to his office, and Higgins is so grateful that he's doing better than he ever did under Jeffers. So well, in fact, he reached out to me to reiterate his utter disinterest in restoring his links to the Black family."

"You seem inordinately pleased at his wriggling out of your grasp, Malfoy."

"Pleased? Yes, But certainly not inordinately. Did I neglect to mention that both Jeffers and Richardson were acting on my behalf? Higgins won't do anything for us, but he will do anything for Richardson – and Richardson will cheerfully ask Higgins to do whatever we wish him to."

Harry found himself quite impressed. Malfoy had demonstrated both power and restraint. "So much for power corrupting," he muttered.

Malfoy scowled. "I can't believe how many Muggle aphorisms I know better than you. Lord Acton's original observation was "power _tends to _corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." What he didn't take into account, however, is what might happen when you invested power in someone who has already been corrupted once, and seen in his own home just how corrupting absolute power is."

Harry nodded. He and Malfoy had never discussed what it had been like for Malfoy to have Voldemort living in his home. He had seen enough in Malfoy's haunted eyes whenever the topic had been even vaguely alluded to, and saw it there again.

"So, now that I'm back, what do you advise me to do now?"

The shade in Malfoy's eyes quickly faded. "My recommendation would be to review my reports here and see how well I lived up to your expectations, which you never actually shared with me. I also expect you'll want to meet with your unknown 'observers' who you had keeping an eye on me and see that my reports are actually honest and complete. At that point, you'll have to a hard decision to make."

"And what would that be?"

Malfoy's smile was anything but humorous. "Whether or not you trust me enough to let me in on your big plans, and whether you can persuade me that it would be in my and my family's best interests to aid you. As you said, I could be a useful ally, or a bit of a hindrance to your schemes."

"And what do you think my schemes are?"

Malfoy shrugged. "I have theories, but nothing I'd wish to express, let alone invest in. I'd rather wait and see what you have to say."


	12. Chapter 12

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 12: Time To Put Up Or Shut Up

Once Harry got away from Malfoy, he headed straight for home – where Hermione was waiting. She was immediately taken aback by the wild look in his eyes.

"That bad?"

"Worst possible."

"You mean he completely betrayed you and now is in full control of House Black?"

"Even worse. He did everything I asked, and more. I'm now a major political power in Wizarding Britain, with Malfoy as my seemingly-loyal right hand man."

Hermione's hands flew up to her mouth. "The bastard. The ferret-faced bastard. How could he do this to you?"

Harry glared at her. "Worst of all, he wants to know what my plans are. He actually thinks I have some grand vision. I barely bought a week to come up with an answer. What the hell do I do now?"

Hermione stopped her teasing, and actually started thinking seriously. "I think you only have one choice at this point, Harry. You've got to do the one thing you want least to do, the one thing you swore you'd never do, the one thing that you said would be the last thing on earth you swore you'd ever do."

"You don't mean..." 

"Yes, I do. You need to tell him the whole truth. That you don't have a plan, never had a plan, and have no clue what you want to do, let alone what you can do. And you're going to have to trust him."

Harry stared at his feet. "I don't know if I'm ready to do that, Hermione. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to do that."

Hermione put her arm around his shoulders. "I know, but I really don't think you have any other choice."

HP HP HP HP HP

Harry entered the office where Malfoy was already waiting, Hermione right behind him. "Potter... and Granger? I must say I wasn't expecting you as well."

"Well, she's one of the smartest people I know, I trust her, and she had a rather unique perspective on Wizarding Britain's problems."

Malfoy nodded. "Fair enough." They all took their seats. "So, did I pass your tests enough to hear the grand plan?"

Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. So much for small talk. "More than that. You get to hear the truth. The full, unvarnished truth."

Malfoy's eyebrows rose. "This should be interesting."

Harry squirmed. "And the truth is... there is no grand plan. Until I started planning my little vacation, I had no idea just how much potential power I had at my disposal – and that you of all people were my legal heir to all of it. It only came up when I started looking into what I needed to do in order to disappear for a while, and was utterly gobsmacked by the whole thing. The only thing I could think of was to convince you that I knew more than I did. I knew you wouldn't believe that I had no clue what to do with my position, so I led you to think I did have plans that I was keeping secret. And I figured that would buy me time to come up with something."

Malfoy's face broke into a grin. "I knew it! I can't wait to tell Father I was right, and he was wrong!"

Harry felt his face turn red. "You talked about this with your father?"

Malfoy smiled dismissively. "Of course I did. At our first meeting, you said you'd rather I not, but admitted that you knew I would, and only asked me to minimize it. And whatever else you may think about him, Father is one of the most politically astute people around. I'd be a fool if I didn't take advantage of his counsel – like you took advantage of mine."

"But you're admitting it so openly?"

Malfoy's face grew serious. "Potter, you and I getting very close to something that vaguely resembles trust between us. You knew I'd talk about matters with Father; if I were to lie to you about something so obvious, at such an early point, then that would be over. Think about it for a moment. Even if I am intending to betray you at some point, why would I betray you now, over something so trivial, and waste that future opportunity?"

"Are you planning on betraying me?"

Malfoy actually laughed. "How the hell do you expect me to answer that one? No matter what my actual plans are, of course I'm going to deny it. So, naturally, my answer is no, I don't plan on betraying you. It's up to you to decide if you believe me."

Harry grimaced. That really was a stupid thing to ask. He must be more nervous than he thought. "So, what is your advice here?"

Malfoy paused to pull his thoughts together. "Once I got Father to buy into my basic premise – that you had no grand plans, and no idea just what kind of power you could wield if you so chose – we discussed your situation, and what would be the most effective way you could take up your power if you so chose."

Harry leaned forward. "Go on."

Malfoy leaned back, almost taking on a professorial air. "Potter, you are unique. You have two potential power bases that are diametrically opposed to each other. You are the Boy who Lived, the Man who Won, the saviour of Wizarding Britain, the one who beat Voldemort twice, and even in many eyes the heir of Dumbledore. That makes you virtually a god to the Light side."

He paused. "But at the same time, you are the recognized Head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, whose dominance among the Dark families goes back centuries. If you were to fully commit to either side, you'd instantly be a leader, if not the leader, of that. But you'd instantly lose the other half of your support."

Hermione nodded. "That's the conclusion I came to as well. And doing nothing wasn't an option, either." 

Harry also nodded. "After all, as the Muggles say, 'nature abhors a vacuum.'" He looked at Malfoy. "Did I get that one right?" Once he had Malfoy's approval, he continued. "If I just walked away from my position on either side, the potential power wouldn't just disappear. Someone – or someones – would step up and take it for themselves." He pointed at Malfoy. "Case in point."

Malfoy shrugged. "Of course I would. Technically, I'm more of a Black than you are, and as you noted in our first meeting, that is literally what I was born to do. I'd be a fool to pass on such an opportunity and let someone else seize it." Then he pointed at Hermione. "And right there is another case in point."

Harry thought he was beyond surprise. He was wrong. "Hermione? How could she take over the House of Black? I know I threatened it, but..."

Malfoy snorted and leaned forward. "Hardly. No, she's perfectly positioned to take over for you as a major leader for the Light. Look at her. Muggle-born 'brightest witch of our age.' Rising star in the Ministry. The brains behind the Golden Trio. Champion of the underdogs, would-be liberator of house elves, survived torture at the hands of my late, unlamented aunt, dueled Dolohov as a schoolgirl. And that's only the publicly known things. Imagine how the public would react if they knew she brewed polyjuice in a bathroom in her second year?" He smirked at their stunned expressions. "Yes, a few of us know about that. I won't say how or when I found out, but I can assure you that only a few know about it." He leaned back in his chair. "If you were to abdicate your responsibilities, you'd almost certainly be setting up an eventual showdown between me and Granger – and only a fool would venture a guess how that would turn out."

There was a long silence. Eventually Hermione broke it. "He's probably right, Harry. I hadn't taken it that far, but what he says does make sense. It might not happen, but it is pretty likely."

Harry sighed. "So, then, Malfoy, what do you recommend?"

Malfoy took a dramatic pause. "Simple. You keep the power in hands you trust. The only hands you fully trust – your own. It'll require some remarkable mental discipline, because you'll basically have to be two different people in one body, but with some work and some good advisors I think you can pull it off."

He continued. "You need to move away from the Light and the Dark simultaneously, and become oneo of the Grey. Lord Black will appeal to the Dark families, but in ways that aren't blatantly dark. The Man Who Won will still champion the Light's causes, but the milder ones, and not so virulently. Instead of going all in on one side or the other, you'll pull from both ends and establish a new power base in the middle. And by not going all in, you'll draw plenty of people from both sides. You'll be leaving vacuums at the extremes, but those who will be tempted will notice that a lot of their base is still with you. And if they get too forceful, they'll not only have their traditional enemies to contend with, but you and your Grey Army."

Seeing his audience dumbstruck, Malfoy continued. "You'll be the power broker. You won't run things, but no one who wants to will be able to do so without your blessing. You won't have to fight the extremists – with a few words and gestures, maybe a public demonstration or two, you'll utterly geld them before they can pose a threat. You will be the voice of reason, the force for balance, the symbol of moderation. And if you do it right, you will almost never have to raise your wand, or your fist, or even your voice."

Hermione let a cynical expression cover her face. "And, of course, to properly be this living symbol, he'll need to keep close ties with people on both sides, to show that accommodation and tolerance can work. Which means he'll need to keep someone with impeccable Dark credentials as a close associate. Someone like, say, you."

Malfoy smiled condescendingly. "Why, that certainly would be an excellent move, Granger. I'm so glad you suggested it, and I would be honored to accept such an offer, if made. However, he would need someone seen as my equal and counterpart as well, to maintain the balance. Someone whose Light credentials are as impeccable as mine." He extended a mocking hand, palm up. "Would you care to join me, Miss Granger? I believe the seat on Potter's right is vacant. I, of course, would have to take the _sinister _side, for the appropriate symbolism, while you sit at his _right_ hand."

Hermione simply glared at the hand until Malfoy let it drop. "Naturally, you two will want to think about this. I'll prepare some documents for you to review, and have them Owled to Grimmauld Place in the next day or two."

Hermione scoffed. "You don't expect us to believe you don't have them ready this instant?"

Malfoy gave yet another of his infuriating smirks. "Of course I have drafts prepared, but they need polishing. Especially in light of our conversation here. Like I said – give me a day or two, and I think you'll be most impressed."

Harry let out a deep breath as he stood. "Malfoy, to say you've given me a great deal to think about would be an understatement. I'll be wating most anxiously for your owl." After a brief pause, he extended his hand. Malfoy, after a surprised pause, also stood and shook his hand, then watched as the two left.


	13. Chapter 13

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 13: Caught In A Trap, Can't Walk Out

Harry and Hermione let the door close behind them and the wards around Grimmauld Place to reestablish themselves before they spoke.

"Please, tell me you saw all this coming, and have a plan to get me out of it." Harry pleaded.

Hermione sighed and flumped down into her accustomed chair. "I expected him to pull some kind of manipulative game, to worm himself into some almost indispensable position, but he'd mess up somewhere and leave us some kind of loophole to get out of it. But he did two things I totally did not see coming, and I can't believe I didn't expect them."

Harry collapsed into his own chair. "So, what did you not see?"

Hermione sighed. "First up, he did exactly what you asked him to do, and didn't exceed your authorization in the slightest. You told him to see how feasible restoring the Black family's power and influence, and the best way to do that would be to actually start the process and see how it worked. You didn't tell him to not start the rebuilding, and he did it all in your name, at your request. So now there's this significant power base that has been re-established, and he's right about one thing – that power isn't going away. It's exists, and it will be used. If you don't take it up, then someone else will – and you might not like them or how they'll try to use it. And while he's the most likey candidate, if you let it slip away, you'll have no say in who it is. So you have to either take it up yourself, or let it go and see who steps up." She shook her head. "I don't recommend that."

Harry nodded. "I don't care for that myself. And putting him in charge puts Teddy at risk. Teddy's got actual Black blood in him, and I owe him to give him Sirius' legacy. So I have to take on the role of Lord Black, if for no other reason than to keep the target on me and not on Teddy." He paused to collect his thoughts. "But how about the other half of the equation? Do I fully become Lord Black, and lose the support I have now? Do I simply walk away from my own fame and renown and popularity, and let people think I've gone over to the Dark? Do I leave the whole "champion of the Light" thing up for grabs, and hope that whoever takes it up can handle it?" A brief glimpse of hope flashed in his eyes. "You know, Neville always was just as qualified to become the hero as I was, and he's already the head of a Noble and Most Ancient House in all but name..."

Hermione slapped her hand down on the armrest. "You leave Neville out of this! It's taken years of hard work for him to get over what happened to him during the War, and his gran has barely gotten him to the point where he can leave his greenhouses and take up his family responsibilities. You're not sloughing this off on him!"

Harry stared at the floor. "No, you're right. I can't walk away from that one, either. I really don't see any other way out that Malfoy's plan – stay the champion of the Light, as well as taking on the mantle of Lord Black, and rely on carefully-chosen proxies to handle the day-to-day matters of each while keeping myself above the whole thing. And, quite frankly, I think the best people to be my proxies are Malfoy and you."

Hermione nodded reluctantly. "It's certainly not what I intended to do with the rest of my life, but like you. I can't think of anyone else I'd trust with that kind of power." She shrugged. "Looks like we're both boxed in."

They both sat in silence, contemplating their fate. Harry finally spoke up. "Are you sure we can't go back to the theme park?" He just got a glare in response.

After several moments, Hermione suddenly sat straight up. "I've got it! We give him the 'Kay' treatment!"

Harry was totally confused. "Does that mean you've already rejected the A through J treatments?" That earned him another glare.

"No. Don't you know your King Arthur myths?" 

"I thought so, but apparently not well enough. Explain it to me... well, like you were explaining it to Ron."

That got a slight giggle. "In the King Arthur stories, Arthur didn't know he was king, and was raised by a knight. He had an older foster brother named Kay, and Kay was a total prat. He was just miserable to Arthur. But when Arthur drew Excalibur from the stone, Kay became his most loyal and faithful supporter. He remained a total prat, but no one ever questioned his faithfulness to Arthur. Arthur even made Kay his seneschal – Kay was in charge of Camelot when Arthur wasn't around. He acted in Arthur's name, and no one questioned his authority. Even though most of them disliked him because he was such a prat, they all respected and obeyed him when he was acting in Arthur's name. And this is the key part – _Kay was never Arthur's heir._ He was Arthur's big brother, even though they weren't really related, and no one ever questioned him in the least."

"Thanks for the history lesson, but I'm not following you."

Hermione sighed. "Wizarding England is just mad about Arthur and all that stuff. Mainly through Merlin, but you really can't have Merlin without Arthur, and you can't have Arthur without the Round Table and the knights and all that stuff. They're conditioned from birth to revere Merlin and everything associated with Merlin, and they know the tales backwards and forwards. It's almost like a religion."

Harry nodded slowly. "I have picked up on that a little."

Hermione grinned. "All you have to do is announce that you have named Malfoy the seneschal for The Noble And Most Ancient House Of Black. That's all you have to say – they'll fill in the blanks. You aren't saying that Malfoy isn't a complete prat, that anyone who dislikes him is your enemy, and you definitely aren't saying that he's your heir – but he does have your complete trust, and has your full authority to act in your name in matters related to House Black. It'll give him all the authority he'll need, but it also keeps anyone from even thinking that he'll succeed you. And it gives you an extra bit of insurance that he won't betray you – you'll have stuffed him into a role that forbids him from even considering it."

"So, should I just announce it? Or should I run it past him first?"

That gave Hermione pause. "So far, he's played it almost perfectly straight with us. I think you talk it over with him first. Let's see what these papers he's preparing say first, then consider how to best breach it with him."


	14. Chapter 14

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 14: When All Else Fails, Tell The Truth

When Malfoy's owl arrived, Hermione magically copied the message so both could read it at once. And even in duplicate, it was equal parts fascinating and frustrating.

In the first part, he detailed precisely how he – with Harry's full knowledge and backing – not only take control of the full House Black empire, but coordinate it with House Malfoy's own diminished influence and build a power base that would wield tremendous but largely invisible power for whatever purposes it was turned.

In the second part, he described how Hermione would – while maintaining her position in the Department of Mysteries – would take on more and more of a public role, becoming a highly influential observer and, occasionally, influencer of events. She would keep her job until the powers that be had no choice but to offer her a leadership role where her comments would now have the force of law behind them.

In the third part, he described how Harry would withdraw more from every day events, but still on occasion make his own observations. He would put his backing behind largely non-political causes and issues, such as the care of orphans from the recent War, caring for those who were injured, and rehabilitating repentant Death Eaters. He would, subtly, reinforce just how much he had lost and sacrificed for Wizarding England without getting maudlin – the message would be a very quiet "this is what was taken from me, this is what I gave up, this is what I suffered, and I am willing to forgive in the name of healing these wounds." Never, ever put that explicitly, but the right people in the right places would say that for him.

In the fourth part, he outlined a theoretical campaign to illustrate how the three of them could work together to push a political cause. Hermione would propose outlawing the left-handed wielding of wands. Malfoy would at first resist it, then gradually give ground while wresting compromises from Hermione. In the end, with Harry coordinating between the two, the measure would pass the Wizengamot and the left-handed usage of wands would be illegal.

Hermione looked up at Harry. "Damn him. This is the most infuriating document I've ever read."

Harry nodded. "I know. What is this codswallop about left-handed wand-wielding? It' totally ridiculous!"

Hermione shook her head. "That's exactly its point, Harry – to be pointless. Malfoy spent pages upon pages showing exactly how we can build a tremendous political power base, with which we could achieve a great deal of good – or cause a great deal of harm. Then, when it comes to giving an example of how it would work, instead of giving us a hint of what he intends to do, he fabricates this complete absurdity that tells us nothing of his intentions." She slapped the table in frustration. "He knows that the one question we want answered more than anything – just why he's doing this, and what he wants to achieve – and refuses to tell us."

Harry nodded. "Perhaps because we haven't actually asked it?"

Hermione chewed her lip. "That's certainly part of it. But we can't just ask it – how could we trust any answer he gave us? What way would we have to know if he's telling us the truth?"

"There's always Veritaserum..."

She shook her head. "That would be worse than useless here. The kind of relationship Malfoy is proposing here requires a trust at a fundamental level, where we simply can't question each other's honesty. To even suggest using Veritaserum is to say that, at a basic level, we can't trust him to deal honestly with us without force. And even if we were to offer to take it ourselves, it still represents a level of distrust that would poison all future dealings." She sighed. "And we can't simply slip it to him without his knowledge. That would be a betrayal of trust that would almost certainly come out, and virtually guarantee the betrayal we fear – and we'd deserve it. For all we know, he doses himself with something that reacts to Veritaserum before each meeting with you just to make sure it doesn't happen, and then we have shown our willingness to betray him."

Harry nodded slowly. Then, after a long moment, he looked up. "Hang on, I have a thought. Let's go over that first part again, where he talks about how he'll build up his own power base. I think I see something we can use."

"What do you have in mind?"

"The part where he talks about coordinating the powers of House Black and House Malfoy. He very carefully keeps them separate, never talking about merging them or uniting them, merely coordinating them. What if I were to take your seneschal idea and propose it to him as a way of formally giving him the authority he needs to pull it off?"

Hermione smiled. "That just might do it. It'll give him what he is asking for, but at the same time denying him something that he isn't asking for – but might really be after. Seeing how he reacts to that could give us a great deal of insight into what his real intentions are."

"I'll Owl him back and suggest a meeting."

HP HP HP HP HP

Harry strolled into the Black office with a forced sense of calm, documents clenched in his hands. "Malfoy. Glad you could make the time for me."

"Considering what we're discussing, Potter, you know you virtually have me at your beck and call." He gestured to the seat. "Now, what is this idea you have?"

"I've been considering the part of the plan where you coordinate the two Houses, and how you would exercise the authority you'd need over House Black. I very well could simply say that you're acting in my name and have my trust, but I think we could go one step better and formalize it. What would you say to my formally naming you my seneschal for House Black?"

Malfoy's face froze for a long moment, then he spoke coldly. "I think, Potter, that the time for games is over, and that we both lay our cards on the table. All our cards. And we should start by bringing Granger here as well."

"Hermione? What's she got to do with this?"

"Don't take me for a fool, Potter. The very reason you came to me in the first place is because I know this game far, far better than you or Granger. I've known for some time that my dealings with you have been really with the both of you, with her remaining out of sight as much as possible. This seneschal plan has her swotty fingerprints all over it. I am suggesting that, instead of you giving her a full rundown of what we discuss here and then plot your next move, we simplify matters and bring her here now and avoid any unnecessary confusion."

"I'm not sure she's available right now..."

Malfoy took a single Galleon out of his desk. "I will wager this that at this very moment she is safely ensconced at Grimmauld Place, impatiently awaiting your return to properly debrief you and analyze my reaction to your seneschal ploy. And I am being so blatant about this because I want there to be no question that I understand what you're doing, what you've been doing, and what you fear most about it. So the time has come to set aside all pretenses, by all parties, and actually do some real work."


	15. Chapter 15

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 15: I Suppose You Are Wondering Why I Called You All Here...

Hermione cautiously opened the door. Malfoy, demonstrating the exquisite manners had been brought up with and occasionally brandished like a weapon, immediately stood at the arrival of a lady. "Miss Granger. So delighted you could join us. Please, take a seat. We have much to discuss." 

Hermione stared at Harry, who just shrugged from his seat. "Go ahead. I'm as lost as you are, and I think we're about to get lectured."

Malfoy waited for her to take her seat, then returned to his own. "Oh, you are. And at great length."

Malfoy sat back, taking on a "professorial" air that neither had seen before. It had the familiar snide condescension and arrogance, but that seemed more of a habit. It was overwhelmed by a sense of patience and satisfaction and enjoyment. It was clear that Malfoy had been looking forward to this moment for a very, very long time.

With his hands folded before him, he began. "Years ago, Potter, when I first realized how you and I were legally related, I was delighted. I knew, in my heart, that Voldemort would kill you, and then I could stake my claim to the Black family legacy. When you defeated him, there was a part of me that wept, because I knew that I would never claim it. And as the years passed and I realized more and more just what you had saved us all from by defeating that madman, I wept again at the lost opportunity. Between us, we had had the potential to remake the Wizarding World, but our years of hostility, combined with my own family's fall from grace, had ended that possibility."

"And then you came to me, acknowledged our relationship, and offered me a hand. A cautious hand, with the other curled into a fist, just in case, but it was still an open hand. I remembered those nights I wept and took your hand. And I swore that I would do anything I could to bring about that possibility."

He leaned forward. "But I knew you hadn't come to me by choice or compassion. No, you needed me. You needed someone who knew Wizarding politics as only one born and bred into it, and who had the intelligence to recognize and seize opportunities when presented. You also needed someone who you could, if necessary, defeat if they proved untrustworthy or rebellious." He waved a dismissive hand. "Don't bother to deny it. We all know it's true, and it was one of the most important factors that brought you to me."

The then forced himself to relax and lean back again. "What I did not expect was just how woefully ignorant you two were. I told myself it was like you hadn't the slightest experience in politics, and then realized that It seemed that way because it was that way. You two had literally no clue about how things are done, and had simply blundered your way into your current positions. To be perfectly blunt, the only reason you won was that Voldemort was, thanks to his insanity, more determined to lose than you were."

He picked up Harry's "seneschal" proposal. "This is a perfect example of your ignorance. One of the first rules of potential conflict is how to defeat your opponent. One of the simplest ways is to find out what they want, and then deny it to them. This works remarkably well when their objective isn't something simple like 'kill Harry Potter,' which is why it really didn't apply too well with Voldemort, but in most cases you aren't your enemy's objective, you're merely something between him and it. The corollary of that principle is to keep your own true objectives concealed from your potential enemies as best you can." He paused. "This also has the potential benefit of later giving you the option of simply lying about your goals, so when you don't achieve what you want, you can save face by saying your true intention was something that you actually achieved, but that's a topic for another day."

He again waved Hermione's plan. "I had actually hoped I'd taught you two something with my 'banning left-handed wand-wielding' proposal. Of course it was absurd. It was intended to be absurd. It allowed me to give you the details for my strategy without giving you any hints as to what I actually thought we might do with the power we'd be assembling." He looked hard at Hermione. "Now, if I had been intending to deceive you, I'd have concocted something that hinted at a bigger plan, and seen if you bit on that particular piece of bait. Instead, though, I made it abundantly clear that I was not volunteering such valuable information. And note that I have never refused to answer any of your questions – there is a tremendous difference between not volunteering information and deliberately withholding it."

He leaned back, still brandishing the document. "But here, you showed me that you hadn't learned a bloody thing about negotiations. In here, you told me exactly what the two of you feared most from me, and what concessions you'd be willing to make in order to keep me from doing it. The whole purpose of this 'seneschal' scheme – which is rather clever, in its own way – is to not only remove any motive I might have to cause harm to young Teddy Lupin, your actual legal heir, but to also give me incentive to keep him safe from harm. By presenting me with this offer, you expected to force me to show my hand – either to sign it without fully understanding what it meant, binding me to protect the boy, or refuse to sign it and betray my intent to eventually betray you and harm him."

Harry and Hermione both started to protest, but stopped themselves. Harry finally shrugged. "You can't blame me for trying, can you?"

"For your intent? Absolutely not. But I find myself almost insulted that you thought so little of me that I wouldn't spot it immediately. This is the sort of thing that I'd expect from Crabbe or Goyle." He thought it over. "Well, not them, but possibly Weasley. Ronald, not any of his brothers – they obviously got the brains he missed out on." He set the document down on his desk. "But what you didn't account for was the possibility that I'd immediately see through it – and be willing to sign it anyway."

Hermione and Harry stared at him in shock. They really hadn't anticipated that. Subconsciously, they were convinced that he was planning on turning on them, and were totally unprepared for this turn of events.

"Now that I have your full attention, I'm going to give you a chance to redeem yourselves to a slight degree. Would you like to know just what my ultimate priority is? What is the one goal for which I am driven, and always keep in mind at every turn?"

Harry swallowed hard. "I... I would very much like to know that."

Malfoy glared at him. "Then. Ask. Me."

Harry was clearly fumbling for the right words, so Hermione broke in. "Malfoy, what is your greatest priority in all these dealings? What is the ultimate purpose for which you've already made so many sacrifices, and are obviously willing to make more?"

Malfoy nodded and gave a cold smile. "Thank you, Granger. Such a forthright question deserves a forthright answer. And my answer is this: to provide for and advance the security of my family."

Hermione scoffed. "It can't be that simple."

"Oh, but it can. 'Security' has so many meanings. Physical security, as in I wish my family to be safe from harm. Political security, as in I wish to not be vulnerable to my enemies. Financial security, as in we are not left wanting for basic needs, let alone the things to which we have become accustomed. And a host of other meanings, all of which I mean equally."

Malfoy sighed. "In all your amateur scheming and plotting, there was one factor you never took into account, and it should have been the first thing that occurred to you. You know already my devotion to my family – you've seen what my parents and I will do for each other. We've made no secret of it. But while you worried about how best to protect Teddy from me, you never made the connection that, after my parents and my aunt, young Teddy is my closest living blood relative. And, as I said, I wish to provide for and advance the security of my family."

Harry was trying to wrap his head around it all. Once he made the connections from him and Teddy to Malfoy, he'd never thought it through from the other direction. "But his grandmother was disowned from the Black family."

"An action that my mother was not consulted upon, and one that could be undone by the official head of the Black family. Which, I believe, you have already done. Further, by telling me that you had no intentions of disowning me from the Black family, you reinforced my own connection to Aunt Andromeda and young master Edward. In fact, going by the standards of blood, I am closer to him than you are – he and I are cousins, once removed. You're only semi-adopted into the Family." Draco smiled a little, to take some of the sting out. Not all of it, but enough to show that he wasn't being overly malicious.

Hermione slowly nodded. "So that's why you've been so cooperative. Because all along, Harry was doing precisely what you yourself would have done, without realizing it. And you couldn't just come out and say it because you didn't want to take the chance that you wouldn't be believed. And we weren't ready to believe you."

Malfoy finally gave a real smile. "Precisely. As another Muggle once stated, 'the louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.' If I simply told you that you could trust me, that would guarantee that you never would. You needed to come to that conclusion on your own, without any manipulations or gambits from me. And that also meant that I couldn't just come out and tell you things up front; you'd never believe them at face value. So while I never lied, I also made a point of never volunteering excess information. I never gave you any reason to ask 'why is he telling us this? That isn't like Malfoy at all.' I treated you two precisely as you were treating me – a potential ally with whom we have a lengthy history of animosity and hostility and deceit. We all had much to overcome, but we also had much to gain by doing so."

Harry seemed satisfied, but Hermione pressed on. "That sounds all fine and good, but there's still one thing that doesn't make much sense. You're so much more politically astute and skilled than we are; why do you need us? Couldn't you find others with whom you don't have such a lengthy history?"

"This is why you need to learn the most valuable skills in politics: the ability to think like your adversary. To see things from their perspective, to understand what they believe and want. Think back to your reasons for coming to me in the first place. The very same facts that drove you to me work equally well in reverse; while I could possibly find others who could play your roles, none of them are anywhere near as qualified as you two are. Further, you two are also very well placed to thwart my plans should you choose to oppose them, just as I am to yours. The best strategy for me is the exact one you two chose: to co-opt you into joining with me as we find common goals that we can pursue."

Harry sighed heavily and slouched in his chair. "All this wasted time and effort. If we had just talked openly at the outset, we could have saved ourselves so much..."

Malfoy shook his head. "No, it had to happen this way."

Hermione forcefully agreed. "Harry, he's right. Had any of us just come out and spoken perfectly honestly at the beginning, it would never have worked. We just have too much history to put it all aside with a wave of a hand. No, we had to work our way through all of this the hard way to get here."

Malfoy nodded. "And even if we'd availed ourselves of some magical short-cuts like Veritaserum..."

Harry waved his hand. "Oh, we already figured that one out ourselves. Even if we believed the truth from each other, we'd never have any trust."

Malfoy gave them another honest smile. "And that is why I called you both 'ignorant' earlier, and not stupid. Because ignorance and naivete can be cured."

Harry and Hermione both returned the smile. "Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, where do we go from here?"

"Well, Potter, I strongly urge that we do absolutely nothing for at least a day or two. We've all been given a fairly signficant amount of adjustment to our world-views, and I wouldn't trust any of us to make any major decisions without a bit of time to absorb it all. Speaking for myself, I'm planning on going home and going to bed – after a few strong drinks. I personally recommend you do the same." He stood up, indicating that he considered the meeting over. "And, on the morrow, unless you object, I believe that I shall take Mother out to reacquaint herself with her sister – and be formally introduced to my young cousin."


	16. Chapter 16

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 16: Vacation's All I Ever Wanted...

Harry and Hermione staggered back into Grimmauld Place and flopped in their chairs, overwhelmed, eyes closed. After a long silence, Hermione finally spoke. "Well, that didn't go quite as expected."

Harry gave a quick bark of laughter. "Amen to that. My brain feels like it's been stuffed to the gills, turned upside down, inside out, and shaken – repeatedly."

Hermione giggled. Harry forced an eye open. Hermione never giggled. She must be at least as rattled by things than he was.

"More."

"What?"

"I said, 'more.' You were thinking that I was at least as discomfited by this whole situation than you were, and I think I'm even more rattled than you are. I'd gotten used to being out of the public eye, while you've had your entire life since discovering the Wizarding World to get used to being a celebrity. I thought I'd gotten away from it all, but now I see they aren't quite done with me."

They sat in companionable silence for a few more minutes, then Harry spoke up. "You know, I keep thinking about that whole theme park."

"Harry, you know we can't talk about that. In fact, there is no theme park, and we certainly never went there."

"Bear with me. I keep coming back to my interview with the recruiter. He said two things that have really made me reappraise things. The first was that I was 'too old' to be Harry Potter – the Harry Potter everyone knows and likes and cares about is schoolboy Harry Potter, not grown-up Harry Potter. The second thing he said was that no one wants to see Harry Potter, but to be Harry Potter."

"That's a bit harsh, but it's probably true there. We aren't real, so it's not too surprising that they don't see us as real people with real lives."

"Yeah, but it's kind of true, too. I'm starting to think that part of my ennui was based upon that, before I turned 18, I'd already fulfilled my life's destiny. I was thinking that that meant that the rest of my life was meaningless, and that I could never do anything that could match what I've done already. My life had reached its peak, and all I had before me was a lifetime of a long, downhill slide into oblivion."

"Harry, you know that's not true."

"Hermione, in many ways, it is true. Or, at least, it was certainly possible, and I think that unconsciously I believed it. And that's why I was in such a funk. But now... I'm starting to think of it differently."

"How so?"

"I'm thinking that, since I've already fulfilled everyone's expectations of me before I turned 18, I'm now free. I can live the rest of my life for me, do whatever the hell I want, and not have to worry about living up to everyone's expectations. I don't have to get away to be 'just Harry,' I can go ahead and do it and anyone who doesn't like it just go hang."

"Harry, you've always had that choice."

"Yes, but not really. It's like Malfoy said – I wasn't ready to accept it before now. I needed to go through all this to get me ready to fully understand it all. And while I have no right to ask you to give up your own private life you've built, I have to admit the idea of just sitting back and letting you and Malfoy run the world while I sit back and only get involved when I feel like it is tremendously appealing."

"I don't relish the notion myself, but Malfoy's right – there are tremendous political vacuums in the Wizarding World right now, and eventually someone's going to fill it. I'd rather it be held by someone I trust than letting it happen pretty much at random, and I trust myself more than anyone else." She smiled at Harry. "Especially if I know that you'll be there keeping an eye on me."

"Not full-time, but when you need me, I'll be there."

"I think I can live with that."


	17. Chapter 17

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Afterword

OK, I think I'm gonna call it quits here. At least for now.

This all started by reading Clell65619's "Second Life," where Harry decides to get away from it all by going to Australia. That got me thinking "if he really wanted to 'get away from it all,' why stop there? Why not go where people don't even think he's real?" And that led to what I thought could be the incredibly fun notion of Harry Potter at a Harry Potter theme park.

The very first thing that popped into my mind was Harry getting told the cold hard truth: that to everyone, Harry was always a school boy, and no one cared about Adult Harry. Further, no one wanted to SEE Harry Potter, everyone wanted to BE Harry Potter. That, I thought, could be a rather rude awakening.

But our Harry's a responsible sort, isn't he? He wouldn't just up and disappear and leave someone else to hold the bag. No, he'd make arrangements for someone to take care of things until he came back – if he chose to come back at all.

So at that point I started to think of who, legally, would be in charge of Harry's affairs should he disappear. And it suddenly struck me that, thanks to Sirius' legacy to his godson, Harry's closest legal relatives were Narcissa and Draco Malfoy.

At that point, the political animal in me woke up, shoved aside Mr. Whimsy, and announced he was in charge here. Mr. Whimsy could still have his fun at the theme park, but Political Animal was going to get totally obsessive and hog the main stage with all sorts of observations about politics, human nature, legalisms, and the odd quirks we've been allowed to glimpse about Wizarding Britain.

Action and magic went right out the window, replaced with character study and a whole lot of politics. Traditional, big-picture politics, meaning the obtaining and use of power. Meaning the motivations and goals and rationalizations that people hold. And that just kept going and going.

I think I've reached a good stopping point. All three characters understand each other, and generally have reason to trust each other and cooperate. I might return to this story in the future if something comes to mind, but for now I think it's time to call it a wrap.


	18. Chapter 18

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Chapter 18: Epilogue

_I should have known. Almost immediately after pronouncing the story finished, one final thought crawled out of my brain and refused to go away. _

At the conclusion of business, the trio turned to what had become a tradition of these semi-regular meetings. Hermione played hostess, pouring the drinks.

They took their turns supplying the liquor. Malfoy raided his family's wine cellar. Harry had become a bit of a conoisseur of firewhiskey, and after a casual mention in an interview had a regular supply of bottles from well-wishers. And Hermione's parents had gotten in the habit of sending her regular shipments of Muggle libations. This time she'd brought something prepared by a Colonial named "Jack Daniels."

Draco took his first sip, and closed his eyes. "Good lord. If this is what the Muggles produce without magic, then we must do everything we can to keep them from being molested by wizards. We must not allow the makers of this ambrosia to be interrupted from doing God's work."

Harry nodded in agreement. "In fact, we should probably make it illegal to bother them in any way."

Hermione rolled her eyes and took her own sip. She was used to the hyperbole from the men. Then her own eyes widened. In this particular case, though, she found herself reconsidering her scorn. They just might be on to something here.

It had been an all-too-typical meeting. The latest controversy had been over Wizarding self-defense. Draco had proposed requiring all wizards and witches to take classes in basic combat magic. He spoke of eavesdropping at meetings of the Death Eaters as they planned their future moves. They always chose as targets for attacks the places where they would least expect to confront wizards and witches who were capable of resisting. When they were worried they might actually face people ready and willing to fight back, they contented themselves with simple shows of force. The Quidditch World Cup was cited as a prime example, where a simple illusion was all they did. They saved the massacres for the defenseless.

Hermione had, as usual, publicly challenged him. She said it was immoral to force people who might have moral objections to violence to study and practice combat. She said that the Aurors were fully capable of dealing with crises without a bunch of well-meaning amateurs mucking things up.

The debate had raged for weeks, until Harry gave one of his very rare interviews. "I think," he said slowly to the reporter from the Quibbler, "that it's almost immoral to not be willing to protect yourself and your loved ones. I have tremendous respect for our Aurors – I even was one, for a brief time, before realizing that I simply didn't have what it takes to make a career of it – but I would have a hard time asking them to value our lives more than we value them ourselves. And I think we owe it to each other to be ready to protect and help each other, given the chance."

That turned the tide, and a compromise was struck. Draco got his nationwide classes, but they were made voluntary, and free to any who wished to sign up. They also included a section on basic first aid and magical healing. Should another Voldemort arise, he'd be facing a nation with a significantly fewer numbers of sheep to prey upon.

Which, of course, is precisely what the three of them had intended from the start. They toasted their victory.

Harry was the first to break the amiable silence. "You know, Draco, there's been one thing that's been bothering me for years."

Malfoy took another quick drink. "I don't think I like where this is going."

Undeterred, Harry pressed on. "At that big meeting, when we all finally cleared the air between us, you talked about how we all had our primary motivations. You went on at length about your own, and how my worries about Teddy were what was driving me at that time. But you never went into what you saw as our primary motivations."

Malfoy nodded and took another drink. "You're absolutely right. I didn't. And that's a decision I've never regretted."

Harry refused to take the hint. "Well, I'm asking now. How did you perceive us then?"

Draco set his glass down. "Harry, did you ever once in your life come across a door and say to yourself, 'I think I'll leave that alone?'"

Hermione spoke up. "I have to agree with Harry. I'm rather curious, too. And I think we've gotten to the point where we can handle that kind of honesty."

Draco closed his eyes. "Are you certain you want to ask that question?"

Harry nodded. "I'm asking."

Draco sighed. "No matter how many cats get killed, people still refuse to learn from its example." He opened his eyes and looked at Harry. "You were easy to understand. Your primary motivation was to keep from getting killed by Voldemort. And while you might not have realized it, you had very little else to worry about. More than a few of the Dark Wanker's lackeys offered to kill you as a sign of their devotion and got a crucio for their reward. No, killing you was his privilege, and his alone." He took another sip. "Lord, that's good. Anyway, once he was finally gone, what you wanted more than anything was simply to fit in somewhere. But that wasn't in the cards. You wanted to be just one of the crowd, but everyone kept insisting on putting you up on a pedestal. Since getting you that wasn't possible, it was just a matter of finding something else that would get you out of the spotlight. The right combination of convincing you to just make yourself unavailable while giving the public other people to focus on would get you what you wanted."

Harry nodded. "That doesn't sound quite as pathetic as I thought it might."

Draco smiled. "I cleaned it up a little. It really was that pathetic."

"Thanks so much for sparing my ego."

Hermione tossed down the last of her glass to bolster her courage. "And me? How did you see me?"

Draco's eyes narrowed. "You were a bit harder, because Harry here tended to suck up all the attention. Plus, since you threatened everything I'd been brought up to believe in, it was easier to dismiss you. But once I realized that you were almost a big a threat to Voldemort as Harry was, I started paying more attention to you. And once I got past my prejudices, you were an even more open book."

Hermione forced herself to speak. "Go on."

"You're sure about this?"

"I think I've gotten past it, and I'm curious to hear."

"Very well. You arrived in the Wizarding world with virtually no social skills. You had no real ties to the Muggle world beyond your parents, so you had nothing to tie you there. Further, you were totally unequipped to form many attachments here, so you were pretty much lost and alone. You latched on to Potter and Weasley because you knew that while they might not want to like you, they needed you – and you could build on that. As far as everyone else went, you convinced yourself that you didn't need their approval, but you'd show them what they were missing out on. What you needed from them wasn't love or acceptance or even tolerance, you needed their recognition that you were their superior. You needed everyone to acknowledge that you were right. So you made yourself into the ultimate swot. Your need to be the teachers' pet was also part of that. Their approval was even more important to you than that of your peers, because it was more proof that you were that much superior that even the authority figures had to recognize it. Which reinforced your separation from your peers, but that was just more proof that you were above them."

Hermione forced her hands to keep from shaking as she poured herself another drink.

Draco's brows furrowed. "You're sure you want to hear this?"

"Quite. It's rather fascinating. Go on."

Draco glanced at Harry for approval, who just shrugged. "You've had years to figure out how to dissuade her when she gets like this. If you don't know by now, I'm not trying to bail you out. You're on your own."

Draco sighed and tossed down the remainder of his glass, then poured himself another. He also graciously topped off hers as well. "Fine. Anyway, the key to manipulating you wasn't to directly attack you. No, what always worked was to first go after your self-confidence and self-esteem, to get you properly motivated to prove your superiority. Then, go after someone close to you – Harry or Weasley, usually, but sometimes one of the younger students that would provoke your mother-hen instincts. In those cases, you'd leap to their defense, regardless of any risk to yourself or your own interests. There was virtually nothing you wouldn't do to prove your own superiority in front of those who approval you needed."

Hermione deliberately took a slow sip of her refreshed beverage. "And did you ever turn that gimlet eye on yourself?"

Draco laughed. "At that age? Of course not. I had been brought up to see myself as innately superior to all around me. I was too busy denying the overwhelming evidence before my eyes that I wasn't the center of the universe. I couldn't afford to question myself, or I'd utterly fall apart." He took a sip. "No, it wasn't until Voldemort moved into my home that I really started to admit how things really were. That's when all the contradictions I'd been brought up to believe in started to unravel. It took years to get past all that conditioning, but the evidence was overwhelming. Here was a hopped-up halfblood ghoul shrieking about 'pureblood supremacy,' while he treated his loyal pure-blooded followers like cattle – even to the point of branding them. Meanwhile, I had to watch as you two – a halfblood and a mudblood, children my own age – routinely kicked the arses of your alleged superiors, including quite a few adults." He gave a wry chuckle. "It would have taken a hell of a lot more willpower to overcome the evidence of my own eyes, and it certainly didn't help to have it constantly rubbed in my face. Add in how you had purebloods like Weasley and Longbottom happily following you and seeking your approval, and my deeply flawed world-view was doomed from the first day I stepped on the Hogwarts Express. It just took years – and nearly losing everything I and my family held dear, including each other – to finally pry my head out of my arse."

Harry tried to ease the tension. "Draco, you really weren't that bad."

Draco scoffed. "No, I was worse. You know you can't successfully lie to me, Harry – why are you even trying?"

Hermione smiled. "No, Harry, he's right – he was a thorough rotter."

Draco raised his glass. "Absolutely. A complete rotter." He took a quick swallow. "But I don't regret a single bit of it, because it was all essential to me ending up where I am today. And, if I dare say so, getting you two here, too."

"What, here in my own home?" Harry jested.

Draco snorted. "You know what I mean. Back at that big meeting, when we all finally stopped playing our little games, I noted that as miserable as the journey had been, it was absolutely critical that we all go through it, as it was the only path to get us to where we needed to be. And that's even truer on the bigger picture – I wouldn't change a single bit of our childhoods if I could, because we needed to go through all that to get where we are today."

Hermione caught his eye. "So, no regrets?"

"Not a one. Even if I could go back and change things, I wouldn't dare. Because as bad as things were, I'm rather satisfied with how things turned out. And I wouldn't dare tamper with anything that led up to it, because there are so many ways things could be worse." He caught her eye in return. "That's a thought you probably should share with your former colleagues."

Hermione nearly choked on her drink. She'd allowed herself to forget that he'd given her several hints that he knew far more than he should have about the doings of the Department of Mysteries. "I'll... take that under advisement."

"I'd appreciate that."

Harry quickly changed the subject. "So, now that we've got the Civil Defense program secured, what should we do next?"

Draco quickly seized upon the opportunity. "This was a fairly big one, so I think we ought to lay low for a while. I'll set my people to watching Granger's to make sure they keep their end of the bargain, and don't try to sneak anything into it that will subvert the final version. I'd recommend you do the same with your people – if they're too busy watching each other, they'll be less likely to find their own mischief. Plus, if any of our people get the idea to go rogue and do The Cause a big favor, they're more likely to be spotted by the other side than by their own."

Hermione nodded. "If I do get any reports about your people, I'll pass it on to you. Better you handle it yourself, through your 'mysterious but all-seeing sources,' than make a public fuss about it."

"And I'll do the same. Best to clean our own houses than let in outsiders do it."

Harry chuckled. "And I think I'll take a couple weeks off, then go on a tour of Firewhiskey distilleries. My stock's getting a little low, and a little reminder of my hobby should prompt those looking to curry my favor to send me more gifts." He took another sip. "This really is quite extraordinary. I might even hop the pond and spend some time among the distillers in the United States and Canada."

Hermione tsked. "Harry, you really should watch yourself."

Harry scoffed and made a point of setting the glass down. "Hermione, this whole alcohol fixation was your idea. Turning The Boy Who Lived and The Man Who Won into The Conoisseur of Fine Adult Beverages changed me from a savior to an odd eccentric. Besides, I've never once drank enough to actually get drunk. Not once. I enjoy the taste, but not the effects. I just have to keep up the image."

Draco nodded. "For all his public consumption, there's never been a single report of him getting pissed enough to get anything but mildly convivial. And all his public rants have been completely sober analyses of the beverages he's sampled." He smiled. "Turning Harry into a booze snob without ever coming close to being seen as a drunkard was a stroke of genius."

"I'm sorry. I just worry..."

Harry grinned. "We know. It's an essential part of you."

"Oh, you!" Hermione looked around for a cushion to throw at him, but Harry had learned to remove them before these meetings years ago."

Draco stood. "I think we're done for this evening. I'll direct my people to keep an eye on yours, and you do the same with yours. That should keep them out of mischief for at least a little while." He turned to the Floo. "And if anything comes up..."

"The owls know their way quite well by now."


	19. Chapter 19

Harry Potter And The Great Getaway

Epilogue II

_Note to self: the next time I run out of ideas, just publicly announce that I'm done with the project. There's nothing my subconscious loves more than the chance to prove me the fool. But this one really might be a good place to say "The End."_

Draco flopped down in his chair and tossed down his drink in one gulp. It was Granger's turn again, and this time it was the product of another Colonial Muggle named "Jim Beam." "Merlin, I'm exhausted. Do you two realize that this is the third time in a row I've had to be the heavy?"

Hermione and Harry exchanged glances. It hadn't occurred to them, but he was right.

"I know that I'm best suited for it, but next time can I be the reasonable one? Some of my people are starting to lose a little faith in me."

"Of course," Hermione reassured him. "I'll be glad to the villain next time. It's kind of fun, sometimes."

He glared at her. "You mean that it's fun to break character every now and then, and that's exactly what I mean." He then paused. "I'm sorry, I'm just really knackered. I think I just need a little time away from it all to refresh myself."

Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance. They'd discussed it several times, but never really came to a conclusion. Harry cocked an eyebrow quizzically, and Hermione – after a brief thought – gave a quick nod.

"Draco, I think I might have an idea for you. Have you ever been to what the Muggles call a 'theme park?'"


End file.
